Winter Olympics 2010: Ice Dancing Causes International Uproar (A Parody)

Mr. Jones and MeCorrespondent IFebruary 25, 2010

VANCOUVER, BC - FEBRUARY 21:  Oksana Dominina and Maxim Shabalin of Russia compete in the figure skating ice dance - original dance on day 10 of the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics at the Pacific Coliseum on February 21, 2010 in Vancouver, Canada.  (Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images)
Matthew Stockman/Getty Images

In the days following the conclusion of the 2010 Winter Olympics ice dancing competition, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) has received requests for admittance into the Olympic Games from 215 international “sports” associations, including the International Cup Stacking Organization (ICSO) and the World Pie Eating Federation (WPEF).

While some of the 215 organizations only filed simple requests for admittance to the Olympic Games, others expressed much frustration with their exclusion from the Games.

Jean Francois Lefebvre of the International Regular Dancing Association (IRDA) said, “Are you kidding me?  They get the Olympics, and the best we can do is Dancing with the Stars ?! What a joke!”

In a Wednesday press conference announcing his organization’s official request to the IOC, Thomas Francis of the World Board Game Organization (WBGO) stated, “The WBGO has conducted extensive research that shows that Monopoly takes more athletic skill than ice dancing.  I promise that we will pass Go and collect $200 at the 2012 Olympic Games in London!”

Mr. Monopoly was not available for comment.

President of the World Federation of Watermelon Seed Spitters (WFWSS) John Kilrot wrote the following in an official press release Tuesday, “Lee Wheelis owns the world record with a spit of 68 feet, 9 1/8 inches. I would like to ice dancing gold medal winners Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir beat that!”

In a Wednesday interview, Sarah Martell, a spokesperson from the World Curling Organization (WCO) said, “We believe that curling belongs in the...oh, wait never mind.”

Perhaps the most interesting request came from Boran Kulicic of the International Organization of Magic (IOM).

In a Wednesday evening press conference Kulicic stated, “Imagine this. The world’s best magicians going head-to-head in five minute routines, which are scored using a figure skating style scoring system. They’d do the usual stuff, you know, pull bunnies out of hats and saw pretty girls in half, but they’d also feature their signature tricks to earn big scores from the judges. Who wouldn’t want to watch that?”

Following the statement, Kulicic promptly snapped his fingers and disappeared.

The IOC has yet to respond to any of the 215 requests, and IOC President Jacques Rogge refused comment when confronted about the issue Wednesday night. However, he was heard mumbling something about “ridiculous costumes” as he walked away.

While it appears that the IOC is not yet ready to face the uproar caused by ice dancing, it is clear that this is something that will not simply go away. Eventually they will need to address the requests, and until they do, the supporters of the organizations I’ve mentioned, and the world’s finest foosball players, chicken pluckers, tattoo artists, and others will be waiting with baited breath.

Note: The views and opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of or Jon Schuman.


Note on Previous Note: Jon Schuman does in fact think that it is ridiculous that ice dancing is an Olympic sport. However, he does kind of enjoy curling.