What Your Golf Shirt Says About You.

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What Your Golf Shirt Says About You.
Stuart Franklin/Getty Images

There’s tons of golf shirts on the market.  Do you buy them haphazardly?  I don’t think so.  Your taste in golf shirts, like your taste in movies can be very revealing.  As someone who has been around his share of dry goods, let’s take a closer look…

NIKE/ADIDAS:

These are essentially the same thing.  If you like Tiger, you’ll skew Nike.  If not, you probably prefer Adidas.  Overall, this person will  buy anything “moisture wicking”.  They may own Under Armour boxer briefs.  For them, cotton is for candy, not golf shirts.  Golf is likely not their first sport, they probably took it up after the high school days ended, and brought their love of true athletic brands with them.  They are the later in life golf addicts, they practice, and probably even put their spikes on when they go to the range.

Hey! Look at Me! No, seriously Look. I'm Trendy.

PUMA:

You’re either under 25 or having a mid-life crisis.  If it’s the latter, you likely have shaved your head to cure your receding hairline and you think you look harder than MJ.  You pay attention to the bend of your hat’s brim.  You wear white pants (a lot).  You get happy when your shoes match your outfit perfectly.  You are not familiar with the color navy blue.  The colors you know have “electric” in front of them.  Orange and lime green is the sh*t.  You’re probably skinny, if you’re under 25 you need a haircut.  You think golf is extreme, but not as extreme as snowboarding.

It applies to you too Ladies.

POLO/FAIRWAY & GREENE/BOBBY JONES

You’re a brat.  Navy blue is GOD.  No one, in your humble opinion wears a golf shirt as well as Tom Watson.  You know your way around a country club.  You believe a nice preppy outfit can make up for other shortcomings.  A wrinkled 80 dollar shirt looks better than a crisp 40 dollar one.  You have a vanity handicap.  You know what paddle tennis is.  You introduce yourself by your nickname.  Your ball, is Titleist.  Titleist, Titleist, Titleist.  You have one really old club in your bag for nostalgia or to start conversations.  You play a lot of member/guests.  You think moisture wicking is a fad, and for the foul smelling riff raff.  You wear flip-flops (year round).

CUTTER AND BUCK:

You can’t make up your mind.  You’re over twenty-five, and white, but you don’t want to make any waves.  You agree with a lot of people.  You’re willing to give this moisture wicking thing a try (as long as it comes in Navy).  You have a pair of bright white sneaker cleats.  You wear everything tucked in.  Like, everything.  I’m talking t-shirt into bathing suit.  You don’t like playing for more than 2 dollars a side.  You are generous with gimmies.  You have exactly one drink after the round, and it’s usually a half&half.  There’s a rule book in your bag.

Page and Tuttle.

Page and Tuttle:

You think Target is a golf store.  You buy your golf shirts based on how well they’ll look with your jeans.  You think this armpit stripe thing is really going to catch on.  You like colors such as “used to be green”.  When someone asks if you want to go golfing, you don’t know for sure if they mean real golf or putt-putt.  You don’t own an iron.  You wear black shoes and black socks…with everything.  You’re a bargain hunter.  You play Big Brother irons.  Caddies run away from you as if you had Ebola.  You think x-outs are XXXX-tra good balls.

Some quick ones…

CALLAWAY:  You have really bad taste in clothing.

VINYARD VINES:  You like your preppy with a taste of obnoxious.  You wear red pants (a lot).  People love you.

TEHAMA:  You’re old.

WALTER HAGEN:  You think they sell Bobby Jones at Dick’s.

**That’s about it for now.  You know, all in good fun.  I have my own categories.  Please don’t take offense, just acknowledge that I’m right.   And, feel free to chime in with your own theories and experiences**

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