There are some things in life you just don't do.
Some are obvious, like jamming your finger into an electrical socket or using the exit ramp as an on-ramp, although I'm amazed how many times that one has made the six o'clock news.
Others, not so much. Dating Madonna, for instance.
Oh sure, it's all just rumor and speculation at this point but pop queen Madonna may be canoodling with New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriquez, if all the gossip rags are to be believed.
Adding fuel to that fire, A-Rod has apparently left his wife, less than three months after she gave birth to the couple's second daughter.
For the record, guys, that's something you don't do either. You just wind up looking like a douche-bag even if your wife has been making kissy-face with rock star Lenny Kravitz.
Madonna's people, and Madonna herself, deny any goings-on between the two. However, A-Rod has been seen making some late night visits to Madge's Manhattan apartment which brings a whole new meaning to the nickname "A-Rod."
Innuendo aside, Rodriquez may be playing with fire, and as they say, if you play with fire, you get burned. And here's why.
Madonna has left a wake of broken boyfriends behind as she crawled, slithered, and climbed her way to the top of the music world. Men whose careers and personal lives faltered in the aftermath of their relationships with the world's most successful recording artist in history.
Unfortunately for the boy toys, history has a way of repeating like five-day-old chili.
Let's go through the list shall we? We'll begin at the height of Madonna's popularity as a Material Girl.
Sean Penn - The only one on the list who remains quite successful, but I attribute that solely to his role as Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Most guys know all about Spicoli but can you name any other character he's played in any other film he's done since? Yea, didn't think so!
Warren Beatty - He met and started dating her while they worked together on the set of Dick Tracy. He went on to star in such epic failures as Bugsy (critically acclaimed but a box office dud) and Town and Country which became the second largest money loser ever made after the soul-destroying The Adventures of Pluto Nash. Need I say more? And no, Eddie Murphy never dated Madonna.
Tony Ward - Only the hardcore Madonna fans would know who this guy is. He starred in two of Madonna's video for her songs Cherish and Justify My Love. A bisexual model and porn star, he faded in to the ether of obscurity following Madonna's 'Sex' book controversy.
Vanilla Ice - Need I say more?
Dennis Rodman - Everybody's favorite tattooed, body-pierced former NBA star, Rodman claimed Madonna actively tried to have a baby with him. He also blames his shameless self promotion on her. While that may explain the whole wedding dress fiasco, it doesn't justify the spousal battery charges he pleaded guilty to just last month.
Carlos Leon - A walk in Central Park led to romance when Madonna bumped into this New York personal fitness trainer. The couple produced one child, Lourdes, before Madonna left him. He has since had bit parts in shows like Oz and Law & Order but if you or I were to bump into him in Central Park, we'd have no idea who he was.
Andy Bird - She was a musical sensation around the world. He was an unemployed, penniless Englishman. They were the original odd couple but they managed to keep it together for 18 months. Apparently, the lyrics in her song A Beautiful Stranger were inspired by Bird.
Then, it's alleged she aborted their child, he had a meltdown and the couple split. He sold the story to the newspapers but no one knows if he still has the money or if he returned to his stock and trade as a couch surfer.
Guy Ritchie - Madonna's current beau, or her soon-to-be former beau depending on what tabloid you enjoy perusing, is a film director. The guy who brought screen gems Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch to life, he then directed his wife in the vomit-inducing Swept Away, which also adequately sums up his career since his wife took another shot at the box office.
It may be wise for A-Rod to take a long, hard look at the annals of Madonna's dating history and reconsider making a move on the Queen of Pop.
As it stands at this very moment, Rodriguez hit his 17th homer of the season earlier this week, and his 535th homer of his career, moving him past Jimmie Foxx for 14th on the career list.
On the flip side, A-Rod has only hit three dingers in his last 10 games and has said he will not take part in this year's home run derby at the All-Star Game, claiming the event wreaks havoc with his swing.
If he ends up hooking up with Madonna, the home run derby is the least of his problems! We may be witnessing the beginning of the end for another of Madonna's play things.
And unlike Papa, I ain't preaching! The record speaks for itself.