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There are some things in life you just don't do. Some are obvious, like jamming your finger into an electrical socket or using the exit ramp as an on-ramp, although I'm amazed how many times that one has made the six o'clock news...

Madonna May be Kiss of Death for A-Rod

by Tim Parent [HUMOR]

12

2559 reads

Humor

July 03, 2008


There are some things in life you just don't do.

Some are obvious, like jamming your finger into an electrical socket or using the exit ramp as an on-ramp, although I'm amazed how many times that one has made the six o'clock news.

Others, not so much. Dating Madonna, for instance.

Oh sure, it's all just rumor and speculation at this point but pop queen Madonna may be canoodling with New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriquez, if all the gossip rags are to be believed.

Adding fuel to that fire, A-Rod has apparently left his wife, less than three months after she gave birth to the couple's second daughter.

For the record, guys, that's something you don't do either.  You just wind up looking like a douche-bag even if your wife has been making kissy-face with rock star Lenny Kravitz.

Madonna's people, and Madonna herself, deny any goings-on between the two.  However, A-Rod has been seen making some late night visits to Madge's Manhattan apartment which brings a whole new meaning to the nickname "A-Rod."

Innuendo aside, Rodriquez may be playing with fire, and as they say, if you play with fire, you get burned.  And here's why.

Madonna has left a wake of broken boyfriends behind as she crawled, slithered, and climbed her way to the top of the music world. Men whose careers and personal lives faltered in the aftermath of their relationships with the world's most successful recording artist in history.

Unfortunately for the boy toys, history has a way of repeating like five-day-old chili.

Let's go through the list shall we?  We'll begin at the height of Madonna's popularity as a Material Girl.

 

Sean Penn -  The only one on the list who remains quite successful, but I attribute that solely to his role as Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.  Most guys know all about Spicoli but can you name any other character he's played in any other film he's done since?  Yea, didn't think so!

 

Warren Beatty - He met and started dating her while they worked together on the set of Dick Tracy. He went on to star in such epic failures as Bugsy (critically acclaimed but a box office dud) and Town and Country which became the second largest money loser ever made after the soul-destroying The Adventures of Pluto Nash.  Need I say more?  And no, Eddie Murphy never dated Madonna.

 

Tony Ward - Only the hardcore Madonna fans would know who this guy is.  He starred in two of Madonna's video for her songs Cherish and Justify My Love. A bisexual model and porn star, he faded in to the ether of obscurity following Madonna's 'Sex' book controversy. 

 

Vanilla Ice - Need I say more?

 

Dennis Rodman - Everybody's favorite tattooed, body-pierced former NBA star, Rodman claimed Madonna actively tried to have a baby with him. He also blames his shameless self promotion on her.  While that may explain the whole wedding dress fiasco, it doesn't justify the spousal battery charges he pleaded guilty to just last month.

 

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12 comments Last one added 7 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. Adam Wright about 1 year ago

    Don't forget Madonna's kiss with Britney Spears. The beginning of her (Spears) downfall lol

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  2. Michael Inglis about 1 year ago

    Actually A-Rod's wife left him not the other way around.

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  3. Ben Weixlmann about 1 year ago

    No offense, but I'm sick of these rumors. A-Rod and Madonna has nothing to do with his play on the field.

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  4. Tim Parent about 1 year ago

    Guys ... this was all tongue and cheek. As in, all in good fun.

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    • Adam Wright about 1 year ago

      actually is probably tongue to.....never mind ;)

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    • Michael Inglis 12 months ago

      "Adding fuel to that fire, A-Rod has apparently left his wife, less than three months after she gave birth to the couple's second daughter."

      So actually you were wrong, his wife left him to go stay with lenny Kravitz.

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    • Tim Parent 12 months ago

      Here's the latest:

      'Cynthia, wife of Rodriguez, is very distrustful about the relationship between her husband and the queen of pop. "She doesn't believe that they are just friends", said a friend.

      Cynthia has left her husband because she believes that everything - all the rumours - about her husband are true.

      And with "everything" she meant that her husband was often seen at Madonna's New Yorkapartment at night. And the fact that he left to see Madonna just ten minutes after she gave birth…'

      It's all he said, she said bull anyway. Like I said, this article was tagged with humor for a reason.

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  5. Greg Adams 11 months ago

    And here I thought October wreaked havoc with A-Rod's swing. Silly me...

    Madonna's dating history...wow, that's a whole lot of minutiae you had to sift through there.

    Fun read Tim. Or do you prefer Your Holiness (great profile pic, by the way)...

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  6. Abner Lope 7 months ago

    Dude. Spicoli! I wore Vans back then and now I drive one...sigh.

    An Open Letter To A-Rod:

    Time for you to take a HOLIDAY from Madonna because it will push you to the BORDERLINE of insanity. She's nothing more than a MATERIAL GIRL looking for that LUCKY STAR to play "DRESS YOU UP". She'll give you that "CRAZY FOR YOU " look and come across "TRUE BLUE", but you'll end up on the scrap heap and just another chapter in her latest LIVE TO TELL all tabloid article.

    She gets off on CAUSING A COMMOTION and hearing the choruses of "WHO'S THAT GIRL?" as she conveniently drops hints of HANKY PANKY. Yet, she tries to come across LIKE A VIRGIN or an ANGEL; whatever you do, don't OPEN YOUR HEART to her, A-Rod! I know you're a grown man and not even your PAPA DON'T PREACH to you but this goes further than having to JUSTIFY MY LOVE for the truth here. Sure, it may snag headlines and maybe a VOGUE cover, but baseball fans think you need to TAKE A BOW, EXPRESS YOURSELF and show her to the door.

    Do it now, A-Rod! KEEP IT TOGETHER before you have to beg someone to "RESCUE ME". If you don't change this, one day soon you'll find yourself Like Jose Conseco- out of baseball, looking at a stadiums saying "THIS USED TO BE MY PLAYGROUND". Your career will have been inspiring for a short time, commanding the attention of many, and then coming to an abrupt halt- just LIKE A PRAYER.

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