Swiss Declare They Could "Care Less" About America's Cup Loss

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Swiss Declare They Could
Manuel Queimadelos Alonso/Getty Images

The general reaction to Switzerland's sailing syndicate Alinghi losing the America's Cup to BMW Oracle Racing on Sunday was, surprisingly, one of sheer indifference back home.

"Oh no, I certainly could care less about a bunch of cheats from Geneva losing an oversized piece of worthless silver," says Hans Blick, a self-proclaimed "24-year-old prick" from Nyon. "I'm busy watching Switzerland in the 2010 Winter Olympics. Maybe if they held it in the summer I would care, but...nah."

"I don't think I need to pay much attention to a sideshow that doesn't involve [alpine skier] Didier [Defago] or Harry Potter [Swiss ski jumper Simon Ammann]," said Hertz Villaneuve, a 40-year-old recreational curler from Lucerne. "We prefer sports involving mountains and ice than sports involving polluted seawater off the coast of Spain."

"Alinghi? Who cares?" says Lazio Infaghi, a 39-year-old merchant from Zurich. "Cheaters like Bertarelli should be ashamed of themselves for turning a race into an unimpressive court battle.

"What's the point? Such selfishness is why I disassociate myself with the scoundrels from the Societe Nautique de Geneve [the former holders of the trophy]."

"You mean to tell me we had a race over Valentine's Day weekend in Spain?" said Rosanna Lamy-Dupuis, a 18-year-old fiddler from Lausanne. "It's summer down there already? I don't believe you. You're talking to somebody on the wrong side of the hemisphere."

"The U.S.A. can have their piece of junk," said Ernst Schazenbaufer, a 70-year-old chess player from Bern. "We don't need it here anymore. That is ugly, and I would not even want to buy a replica of it at Sotheby's."

"Ahhh, don't come talking to me about sport unless it has to do with two things: Canada and Canada," said Alberto Simone, a 48-year-old retired car dealer from Zurich. "I don't waste my time with yachts because I have no intention of owning one."

"Screw this sport; I'm heading off to watch Grasshopper," exclaimed Robyn Freisen, a 23-year-old football fan from Zurich, skipping happily on his way to the Letzigrund.

Some Swiss, notably those from Geneva, did show disappointment.

"Bertarelli has paid the price for dragging a race to a no-win situation in court," said Luigi Pistoia, a 48-year-old hiker and exercise trainer. "He shouldn't have done something stupid like this because it would result in his syndicate's demise."

"I'm devastated," said Kuip "Chrome" Bilodeau, a local pub owner of 36 years. "Alinghi shouldn't have let Russell Coutts get away, or Ed Baird. They were destined to be like Emmental to the slicer. And they earned their just rewards with a whitewash."

"I want to hang and immolate myself," said Sergio Luini, a 35-year-old from Chur. "I come from a family of yachters, and to see my country mess up like this is very painful for me to bear. Do you have a rope for me?"

"Poseidon hates cheaters like [Brad] 'Butterballs' Butterworth and Ernesto 'I'm-wasting- my-time-with-crap-like-this' Bertarelli," said Sabrina Hantuchova, a 23-year-old prostitute from Lausanne, holding a burning cannabis joint she was smoking. "He had to do what he had to do. Disrespecting the sailing gods became Alinghi's undoing. I hope I never see the likes of those scum again. They pollute the clean, healthy mountain air we have been accustomed to breathing in since 1291."

Plans for the 34th America's Cup are under way. Potential sailing venues for the regatta include Newport, R.I.; San Diego; San Francisco (the home of the Golden Gate Yacht Club, where the Auld Mug will be housed); and Valencia.

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