WWE’s attempts to draw in more viewers and a wider audience have hit rock bottom on Monday nights.
With the announcement of TNA heading to Mondays full-time and the WWE keeping RAW guest hosts in the fold, it should come as no surprise that the wrestling world is buzzing about a potential Monday Night World War II.
But WWE clearly didn’t get the memo when they produced a sketch on the Feb. 15 edition of RAW meant to embellish all facets of the Jerry Springer Show, given guest host Jerry Springer’s attendance.
What followed was a shameful display of former WWE talents and “talented” competitors, each misused to the nth degree in some kind of awful parody for the “WWE Universe.”
While, at the end, it was all revealed to be a charade, the WWE might want to take a good look at the performers who subjected themselves to such humiliation on a national stage.
It started humbly. Springer was expected to reveal some of the WWE superstars’ most intimate secrets. Vince McMahon just loves to insult his audience’s intelligence, and such was the case on this occasion.
Springer, looking like he had better things to do, brought out Kelly Kelly to a big ovation. Remember when Kelly Kelly wrestled and performed and was popular amongst the audience?
Most people probably can’t remember why they cheer for her now since this was only her second comedy bit in the last four weeks (Dule Hill). She revealed she was pregnant, which quickly cued Santino Marella.
Let the misuse of talent continue. Santino, easily WWE’s best comedic talent, refers to Jerry as “Maury,” an accurate depiction given the direction this angle is taking.
Remember when Santino was the “Milan Miracle” and actually wrestled decently? Me too.
Then, “Vintage” Michael Cole gets in on the action and refers to Kelly Squared as a “hussy,” violating most of the agreement of WWE-PG.
Enter Jerry “the King” Lawler, who has his real-life personal issues of a deadbeat, drug-dependent son and his fornication with a minor brought to the forefront within seconds. Someone’s personal problems are WWE’s comedic fodder.
Following Lawler are the Bella Twins, easily WWE’s biggest waste of time since the inception of the Diva Search. When Nikki reveals that Brie is a man, Springer shows his disinterest by agreeing. The fans are the only ones who care less than Jerry.
When Kelly continues to go on about her impending baby (another in a long line of WWE pregnancy angles over the last 20 years), Chris Masters hits the ring. Quickly, I go from annoyed to downright offended.
Masters could easily become one of the top faces in the company thanks to his infectious, if not altogether awkward, personality. Since returning to action in 2009, Masters’ muscular dances and palpitations have made him a rising fan favorite.
The very absurdity of his previous character has given him a sympathetic edge, and long gone are the in-ring work issues that broke Steven Richards’ jaw.
Seriously, this kid has the potential to become one of their most marketable faces, and yet here he is, taking part in the oddball sketch that somehow didn’t include Goldust.
His love interest, Eve Torres, hits the ring as fast as her recent push is halted. She announces her affair with someone bigger than Masters, who turns out to be the Great Khali, the epitome of useless in the WWE.
While Khali’s new image is easily the best use of the guy, most wish his matches were replaced by promos of a drunken Jake Roberts, and that’s depressing to say the least.
Just when you think the hits have stopped, they keep on coming. Out comes Hornswoggle, a laughably popular WWE Star kept around for the kiddies and to give skill guys like Chavo Guerrero a reality check.
Once the segment draws to a close, two very important things tell us just what is wrong with the WWE. First, The Great Khali expresses how he, like the audience, feels this entire segment was a waste of time. How did the Great Khali become so profound?
The second, almost all-too-obviously, is a cameo appearance by Mae Young commencing with the typical dry-hump show that seems to be acceptable to the WWE in their underage demographic.
So while we can’t present hardcore, death-defying action that makes the current generation of wrestling so thrilling because it isn’t rated PG, apparently a Jerry Springer parody featuring a sex-starved geriatric is perfectly okay.
I’d be offended, but I’m still trying to get over the disgusting taste left in my mouth after the WWE, just one hour earlier mind you, shot an angle in which Bret Hart was badly injured in a tragic accident.
I suppose Vince McMahon and the WWE brain trust hasn’t heard of Nodar Kumaritashvili or the Vancouver Olympics, either.
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