Life: The Ultimate Sport

By the end of this week, everyone will try to put together the ideas of what exactly makes a sport a sport. Being the person that I am, I’m taking it up a notch. As we all know, it is a privilege to have the talent that a majority of us possess. But with the question that was posed from Zander, I decided to take a different approach.

So what is sport to me? The answer is pretty simple and no one would have thought about that. In all honesty, life is the ultimate sport. It sounds crazy and off the wall, but it’s clear that competition starts for those of us who don’t play on Sundays every time we wake up and ends every time we fall asleep.

So how does life count as sport? I think I’ve hit enough of the good points in the following column.

First Quarter: Wake Up Call

When the alarm goes off in the morning, our day starts off like a track meet. Some people actually go for the world record of bolting out of their house (some of us just to dodge the constant nagging of the other half). But the main reason that some of us are trying to sprint out of the house is because of the morning commute.

If we think about it, traffic is like NASCAR. Everyone wants the pole position (aka the lead), and everyone wants to take out the lousy driver next to them or in front of them. We spend the majority of the time trying not to get in a dangerous wreck or get stuck with a ticket for going two miles over the speed limit.

After we finally get off the freeway, we hit the exits towards our jobs…until we reach a stoplight. We hit the light, and there’s always someone who thinks they’re faster than you. This, in turn, brings about the drag race (so to speak). Once that light hits green, it’s your ’89 Toyota Corolla versus their ’99 Ford Mustang GT all the way to the finish line, or in some cases, the Erik Estrada-wannabe that is waiting for you to pass.

But after you either get caught or win the race, you get to the office and the end of the first quarter of the game called life.

Second Quarter: The Working Day

Like the offseason, we treat each workday as if our future depends on it. For us, some quotas have to be met before the deadline. For athletes, some dread the deadline. The deadline for athletes usually means the trade deadline or free agency deadline. For us, it means that if some reports, sales quotas, columns and goals are not met by a certain time, it’s bad news for us.

And for those of us who have that bad news on the horizon, the boss usually comes around to give us a stern warning. In sports, that bad news comes from the coaches. Case in point comes to mind from the movie “Office Space.” Their boss gets on them about TPS Reports. Coaches get on their players about playbooks.

Once five o’clock rolls around, it’s halftime for some athletes and quitting time for some of us. We revert back to the end of the first quarter with drag races and NASCAR to the gym.

Third Quarter: After Work and Before the Nightlife

Before the seasons start, it’s either spring training and/or training camp for the athletes. We try to mimic our favorite athletes by going to the gym and impressing the people that are there. This is in hopes of getting their approvals. For the guys, they try to hit the weights they know they can’t handle. For the girls, they spend those times in the sauna and the tanning salons for the chance of showing the night bodies.

They spend a little over two hours trying to prepare for the evening of competition that consists of everything from bodybuilding competitions to aerobics exercises.

Fourth Quarter: Nightlife

Every guy can relate to this scenario: You’re at the bar having drinks with friends. A beautiful woman walks by, and all of a sudden, you turn into Mr. Macho. Just like hot dog eating contests try to find the best guy to woof down hot dogs without throwing up the food from last night.

In this case, guys do anything from American Idol-style karaoke to arm wrestling to quick games of 8-Ball Pool. Both men and women athletes know that when the fourth quarter comes around, it’s crunch time. Men and women non-athletes know that they will only have that last shot to make that big impression.

The ladies take Yoga to handle the dance moves they’ll do in the club hence the aerobics. The men hit the gyms to make room for the shots they’ll take to show that they can handle whatever comes in their path.

When the game is over, the athletes hit the showers and hit the streets. Even though we go about it different ways, we all try to do it with the same ending. Win or lose, we’re just like athletes.

Like athletes, we compete for jobs and promotions. Like athletes, we compete for success and victory. Like athletes, we compete for love, attention and affection. When you think about it, athletes are just us...with more expensive cars, bigger houses, bigger paychecks, and for some, free rides through the judicial system.

This is why life is the ultimate sport. Everyday we compete for the thrill of victory that comes from surviving the workday. We compete for the pleasure of winning the heart of that special someone. Our championship: Employee of the Month Awards, parking spaces, a good dental plan and validated parking. Theirs: A trophy that makes them the best for that year.

Need I say more?