Dan Werner Is The Worst Florida Gator Basketball Player Ever

Jay HendryCorrespondent IFebruary 11, 2010

TAMPA, FL - MARCH 13:  Rasheem Barrett #21 of the Auburn Tigers drives the ball around Dan Werner #21  of the Florida Gators  during the quaterfinal round of the SEC Men's Basketball Tournament on March 13, 2009 at The St. Pete Times Forum in Tampa, Florida.  (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
Chris Graythen/Getty Images

After 135 games, I've seen enough.  Dan Werner came into UF as the reigning "Mr. Basketball" of New Jersey. Four years later, he's the worst basketball player I've ever seen.

Granted, with Jersey's talent pool, maybe we should have all seen this coming.  This is the state whose main export is an MTV show.

This is the same state that currently hosts the worst basketball team in the history of professional basketball.

Truly, we should have all seen this coming.

Regardless, I see it now, even if Billy Donovan fails to notice.  Maybe Werner is his Tim Tebow, the player he loves unconditionally.

That's fine, but it shouldn't come at the cost of the team. 

Through 24 games, Werner is averaging five points,four rebounds, and two assists.  Those stats are acceptable for a role player who sees 10 minutes or less of floor action.

However, Werner's on the court for 28.5 minutes.  He's not exactly a Bruce Bowen who gets it done quietly either.  No, Werner's just a crappy player and a wasted scholarship.

A typical Dan Werner possession starts out with a wide open look, usually from beyond the arc.  He hesitates until a defender closes, then fires off a wobbly, high pass to another open teammate.

That guy has to jump to catch the floater wasting enough time to have a defender come over and take away the open shot.

Werner will get the ball again, between the 15–10 second mark and repeat the same process. 

If he gets it with less than five seconds remaining on the shot clock, he fires up a rushed three that clangs hopelessly off of the front of the rim.

The rebound always seems to go to the defense, which is sort of like the basketball equivalent of a QB who doesn't throw a catchable ball (see Brett Favre/Mike Vick).

Werner shoots an unreboundable three.

Don't get me started on Werner as the set-up man, either.  His away from the ball movement is overrated by shellshocked Werner defenders who think that a screen is an advanced move that he invented.

It's not, and he's no better at it than anyone else on the team.

Defensively, he's overrated as well.  People tout his "defensive skills", but what they really mean is that he's better than the corpse of crippled Kenny Kadji.

He's the slow guy who gets burned in the And 1 Mixtapes .  Saying that he's a complete liability on defense is selling the phrase short.  He couldn't guard Verne Troyer.

He can't rebound, he can't block shots, and he can't guard anyone faster than Terrence Cody.  And you want to know the worst part of all of this?  The tangibles aren't even the worst part of his game!

Yep, Dan Werner has the confidence of one of those lame dweebs from The Pickup Artist.   He's anti-clutch.

His already low stats fell off of their relatively short cliff as soon as conference play started.

SEC play has turned him into a ninny who might as well be 5'4".  He has 31 points and 24 fouls since January 9th. 

Additionally, he's shooting a mind-numbingly low .222 during the stretch, which includes four games where he didn't hit a single field goal.

Thankfully, his minutes have taken a slight hit with the development of Chandler Parsons, or as I like to call him "Anti-Werner".  Still, Werner has wasted space on the court for close to 24 minutes a game during the conference season.

I'm not really asking anything from the guy; if the coach keeps putting him out there, then he's going to keep playing.  I just want you all to know why we'll be in the NIT for the third year straight.