A ton of you asked me how Bobby Bowden feels about his retirement, being second to Joe Pa in wins, and more recently FSU vacating 12 wins from his record. I just finished up my conversation with him.
Me: Hey Coach, how you doing this morning?
Bowden: I'm okay and you can call me Bobby now Jerry... I'm not a coach any more.
Me: I can't call you Bobby, that's too generic. How about Mr. Bowden?
Bowden: Bobby will be just fine. When people hear Bobby they think of me. What other Bobby out there is more recognizable than me?
Me: I guess you're right. So you want to just be known by you're first name now, like a one named wonder?
Bowden: Yea. Kind of like Prince or Sting, just with out all the femininity. So what's on your mind boy?
Me: Well I've been getting all these letters asking about all that's gone on with you recently. So, how's it feel being retired?
Bowden: I don't feel retired. I feel fired. Let go. We all know I didn't want to quit. Now what am I going to do? Watch Jumbo Shrimp try to fill my shoes? I'd rather go help my sons learn how to actually win some football games, so I think that's what I'll do. Try to get them back on the coaching scene to keep the Bowden legacy alive since FSU wouldn't let that happen.
Me: No time off? No vacationing?
Bowden: My life is a vacation. All those college girls for the last 50 some odd years. What's better than that? I love when they're screaming my name, jumping up and down with their pom-poms. I love those big, nice, perfectly shaped, youthful plump pom-poms.
Me: Pom-poms huh? What about finishing second to Joe Pa in wins?
Bowden: That doesn't matter to me. He got the better opportunity. He's been a head coach a lot longer than I have. I'm fine with that... as long as I still get to see pom-poms.
Me: You like pom-poms huh?
Bowden: What do you think kept me around so long? I accomplished everything I ever wanted before the turn of the century. I was the coach of the year, had multiple national and conference championships under my deluxe sized belt. I was already old so I could have called it quits, but I can't get a nice pair of ripe pom-poms sitting at home. The pom-poms I got there are as old as I am!
Me: Pom-poms are nice. That's why I work here. Tallahassee has some of the nicest pom-poms I've ever seen.
Bowden: Now you're talkin'.
Me: Well what about FSU vacating 12 of your wins?
Bowden: Pom-poms. (Starts shaking his head) That's the only thing pom-poms did wrong to me. See I can't blame my student athletes. They couldn't concentrate on their school work and had to cheat in order to pass because they had so many pom-poms in their face. Who can blame them?
Me: I can't. I know I've cheated before. If you ain't cheatin' you ain't tryin' right Bobby?
Bowden: Yup. Pom-poms help me do that all the time. Try, cheat, and succeed.
(Knock, knock. Busty girl walks in the door to speak with Bowden.)
Bowden: Ah, pom-poms.
Me: Talk to you later, Bobby.