Missouri Football: Bandwagoner's Guide to Mizzou Gear

Hey you, welcome.  Go ahead, hop on—all aboard the 2008 Mizzou football bandwagon.

Watch your step, because I'm dropping knowledge all over this bandwagon.  Might want to watch what you touch too.  Sleezy had another accident, and by "accident" I mean he totally meant to do that.

2007 was a really good season for Mizzou, and minus the OU beatings we received...well, there really is nothing to get around those ass whippings.

Anyway, Mizzou fans that have been around for a long time knew we'd be good last year, but even before last season, we knew we'd have our eyes on the prize for this year.  Everything is in place to make a run—senior leadership, good players, better coaching, good recruits coming in.

Sure, last year was nice and all, but this is the year we've been looking forward to since '06.  Just consider yourself lucky to be aboard this bandwagon before everyone else crowds this thing.

Over the next few days, we are giving you the bandwagoner's guide to Mizzou football.  And being a bandwagoner, you have no pride.  We're cool with that.  Being devoid of pride is part of the bandwagoner code, and it's part of the reason you hop bandwagons.

Hell, we're from the Midwest, where the slogan is "Pride isn't Necessary."  It's the place that you'll peep jorts and a good cutoff shirt to wear to a ballgame.  No, it doesn't describe us per se, but just a lot of people that happen to live in Big 12 country.

Seeing how you have no pride, or at least less than that flamer riding a Vespa in West Palm Beach, let's get you some Mizzou gear to dress up you and your house/double-wide/'87 Camaro/apartment/lot.

Sure, this shirt could easily be a joke about a girl's big rack.  Of course, being a Mizzou fan, we get to see huge jugs all the time.  KU 'girls,' usually named Earl or Mark, also have huge (man)boobs.

You're thinking, "I'm on this bandwagon for one year.  Hell with tradition!"  But to be a true bandwagoner, you have to act like you've been here for a long time.  Tradition is what you need.  Plus, this shirt's sleeves could be easily removed for proper church services, runs to A&W, or getting jacked for a Saturday at Faurot.

Head down I-70 on a gameday and you'll notice a gripload of these (and realize you always "head down I-70" even though it runs east and west.  It's never been figured out why.).  It conveniently connects to cover that "Callahan for Prez" trailer hitch you bought a few years back.

Veggie Platters?  Vegetables are for pussies and them limp-wristed guys, two things Missouri definitely doesn't have.  If you didn't kill it, you don't eat it son!

A must own.  Lots of people own the black one, including yours truly.  Also, expect to point out that it is 'Chase Daniel, resident ass kicker' and not 'Chase DanielS', 'Chase McDanielsen', or 'Booger.'  If anyone calls him 'Booger', you have all authority to throw your own resident ass kicker card in their face.

Everyone outside of Centerville, Mo has a DVD player, and since you've been a huge fan since today, you've gotta rock the official Cotton Bowl DVD.  See, we got screwed last year by the BCS, and instead had to destroy Arkansas.  It's all on this handy CD-looking thing that plays on your TV.  At least, that's how I describe it to anyone in Centerville.  Sorry—no Laser disc, Beta, or VHS on this one.

It still confuses me why most CFB stadiums don't serve booze.  Oh well, save your money and bring in your own concoction in this thermos.  Faurot + October nights = your ass is freezin'!  Been there, done that.  Don't experience soberness and cold weather at the same time.

I'll be honest, I just emailed Miss Head to grab this for my b'day.  I hate myself, but a Mizzou flag on the wall just screams 'bad ass.'  Or in your bandwagoning terms, "I have been a fan for xx amount of years. Enough to buy this bad ass flag."  'Nuff said.

So you're geared, but why the hell are you on this bandwagon? You'll figure out tomorrow.