Cincinnati Reds World Champions 2010 (and at Least Through 2011-2019)

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Cincinnati Reds World Champions 2010 (and at Least Through 2011-2019)
Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

Smell that?  Seriously, can you really?  That's the lovely aroma of the ball park: peanuts, popcorn, Cracker Jacks, all mixed with the breath of that drunk guy sitting beside you.  Beautiful!

And the best part; it's right around the corner.

The Cincinnati Reds will make it a bit fruitless to preview any season of the new decade.

Sure, the Reds may drop a fluky World Series to Joe Mauer and the Twins in 2017.  Other than that, we will be unstoppable.

Think about it.

We've got one of the best catching tandems in the history of the game with Ramon Hernandez and Ryan Hanigan.

The infield is set with four All-Stars (and a couple-three future first ballot Hall of Famers). 

The 2010 Rookie of the Year, Yonder Alonso will take over for Joey Votto at first base.  With Votto moving to left field—but we'll get to our star-studded outfield in a bit.

Alonso will hit .340/.460/.525, while setting the rookie record for doubles in a season.  The "Cuban Clubber" (don't even think about it—it's been patented and the domain name already taken) will also play adequate defense.

At second base, we'll have first ballot Hall of Famer, Brandon Phillips.  Enough said.

Over at third, we have another first ballot Hall of Famer in Scott Rolen.  He will surprise his skeptics and not miss a game until his retirement in 2019.  His offensive numbers will improve each year with a slight drop during his final campaign.

And, yes, he will tie Brooks Robinson's record of 17 Gold Glove Awards.

Manning the shortstop position will be "The O.C." (that one was already taken).  Dazzling defender and solid hitting, Orlando Cabrera will not post very sexy numbers compared to the rest of the team.  Somewhere in the .340/.385/.440 range is likely.

Let's move to our outfield:

The aforementioned Votto will take duty in left.  Don't worry, he played plenty of left in the minors.  He will win the league MVP each of the next 10 years.

Some of you are saying, "But what about Prince Albert?"  Albert Pujols will continue to crush opposing pitchers (besides the Reds), but it will be impossible to deny Votto's .422 batting average, 57 long balls, and 219 RBI. 

By the way, those will be Votto's average stats over each of the next 10 years.

Drew Stubbs will bat leadoff and take over for Willy Taveras in center.  Just the thought of, let's say, a Pete Incaviglia type player taking over for Taveras in center should make all Reds' fans jump for joy.

In right we have Austin Kearns...oops, make that Wily Mo Pena—crud, Jay Bruce is his name.  So easy to get those cats confused.  Bruce will put up Dave Kingman-like numbers.  He will be the weakest link in the lineup, popping an average of 78 home runs a year.

Starting rotation: Ha!  Can you say "golden?" 

With Pole Dick now unemployed and the staff under the tutelage the best pitching coach in history, Bryan Price, the entire staff will sparkle. 

Aroldis Chapman, Homer Bailey, Johnny Cueto, Edinson Volquez, Bronson Arroyo, and Mike Leake will set records in all major pitching categories.

In May of 2014 (assuming we don't all croak in 2012) Chapman, Bailey, Cueto, Volquez, Arroyo, and Leake will all toss consecutive no-hitters 

Cueto's will be the only non-perfect game—due to the Nationals jealousy and an attempted bunt hit in the ninth that will roll strait to Cueto.  Instead of tossing an easy lob to first he will let loose an intentional blazer, breaking all of Adam Dunn's ribs (both sides).

The only question mark of the rest of the decade will be the pen.  There are just so many options it will be a bit confusing to decide who will close, who will set up, and who will give the starters some rest after the Reds go up 32-0 in the sixth inning.

So Reds' fans get ready for an exciting decade—yes, it may get boring watching them win game after game.  But, to the die-hards, it will be a nice change of pace over recent years.

One last thing: Dusty Baker, Manager of the Year 2010-2019, will quit his disgusting toothpick habit in 2015 and switch to the newly conceived invisible cigar.

 

 

 

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