Brett Gardner Daily Update No. 11 (SATIRE)

Perry ArnoldSenior Analyst IFebruary 9, 2010

NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 04:  Brett Gardner #11 of the New York Yankees bats against the Philadelphia Phillies in Game Six of the 2009 MLB World Series at Yankee Stadium on November 4, 2009 in the Bronx borough of New York City. The Yankees won 7-3. (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)
Nick Laham/Getty Images

New York Yankee manager, Joe Girardi had called General Manager, Brian Cashman about the latest outfield signing.


“Cash, I really just want to know what you were thinking signing Marcus Thames?”


“Joe, he’s had some pretty good numbers against lefties, I thought it was worth a chance to take a look at him in camp.”


“But have you given any thought at all to what this is doing to Gardy? 


"I mean first you went after Hoffman with the Bruney trade.


“Then you traded for Granderson when you knew I wanted Gardy in center.


“Then you signed that Greg Golson kid to a minor league deal?


“And there was all the talk about you wanting to bring Johnny back and that you had offered him $14 million.


“Of course, you really stirred it up when you signed Randy Winn because everybody knows he’s a left fielder and all the talk after Granderson was that Gardy would be in left.


“And now, Thames.


"I mean, I’m having a hard time keeping this kid’s head on straight, what with building the barn, trying to find him a chicken, and the Gullah woman and him wanting to wear Number Seven and switch hit.


“What am I supposed to say to him about Thames, Cash?”


“Joe, get on line and check Thames out. Over his career he has 620 at bats against lefties. That’s just about one good complete season for a full time starter. And do you know what he has done over that season? He has 40 home runs and 105 RBI. You can’t ignore those numbers when we may need a bat against lefties.”


“But Cash, Gardy actually hit better against lefties than he did right handers. He was .291 against southpaws and only .264 against righties.”


“Joe, you know that doesn’t hold any water. He only had 55 at bats against lefties last year. You can’t base a decision on that small a sample.  I’m talking about over 600 at bats for Thames.”


“Yeah, I know and I looked at Thames’ numbers when I heard what was going on.  He’s also struck out 152 times against left handed pitching and only has a .256 average.”


“But Joe, look at the slugging percentage and his OPS. He has a slugging percentage of .517 and an OPS+ of 113 against left handed pitching. We just have to see what he does in camp and take the best option.”


“The best option? How do we figure that out when you’ve got at least seven outfielders coming to camp?”


“Seven right now, Joe."


Cashman continued:  "I’m still talking to Baldelli’s agent and Gomes hasn’t signed anywhere yet. I have to at least consider those guys."


"And don’t count Damon out either. The price is way down and I think I could get Hal to let me spend about $3 mil on Johnny if we could get him for that.”


"You're killing me here Cash. You know that? You're killing me."