The title comes from a variation of a quote attributed to Barnaby Conrad, the author of The Death Of Manolete, magazine writer, all-around bon vivant, and owner of El Matador nightclub in San Francisco.
Conrad was a contemporary of Ernest Hemingway's, and a prolific scribe of that era. He was considered a man's man in his circle, and a comparison to Hemingway and confusion as to the origin of the quote were both apt for the times.
The quote itself exists in many forms, but a simple translation would be:
"Only bullfighting, mountain climbing and auto racing are sports, the rest are merely games".
In Conrad's time, those three sports would have been considered life-and-death struggles compared to the "games" extant at the moment. Although there are still occasional deaths involved in each sport, advancement in equipment, technique, innovation, and training have lessened the lethal aspects of each. (Although fans of mediáticos in glimmering silk vs. pissed off, wounded bovines might be appalled at that suggestion.)
Merriam-Webster defines the word "sport" as a fifteenth-century noun: "1a: a source of diversion 1b: sexual play (nice!) 1c (1): physical activity engaged in for pleasure (see "1b") 1c (2): a particular physical activity (as an athletic game) so engaged in."
So, sport the noun is a still a wide-open field of interpretation, and is completely subjective in definition, depending on the fan's perspective.
Therefore, if one follows the Hot-Dog Eating circuit and enjoys the, 1a: diversion of it, Merriam-Webster would support said fan's claim of Hot-Dog Eating as a sport. Similarly, the World Series of Poker would be validated as a sport for its fans as well.
But we know better, don't we?
It's all about 1a, once you drag yourself past 1b and actually participate in 1c (1), when the words "physical activity" prominently come into play.
After years and years of miserably pursuing 1c (1) while participating in 1c (2), we become a fan of 1c (2) played by professionals, buy a big-screen HDTV, and realize that we have wasted our lives and should have been making a play for more 1b all along.
So again, sport should be loosely defined as "physical activity" during a contest of skill, resulting in a winner of a competition, whether you're watching or playing.
There we go again with the "physical activity", so it must be true. Now we can weed out the poker players, hot dog eaters, and maybe racecar drivers and their ilk...I suppose. Get the f*#k back! Now you guys!
But, as always, I digress.
The email that I received from Bleacher Report specifically asked for my subjective opinion on what I think defines the word sport.
To define sport, we have to separate it from "games" and "competitions", as we know them in our era.
I believe that "sport" and "sports" involve physical activity, mano-a-mano or teams of manos-a-manos, in confrontation and competition, using physical strength, mental dexterity, agility, and preparation, with the goal of winning a contest, prize, or tangible reward.
It must be a discipline that can, or could, be contested in a loincloth with the bare minimum of equipment at hand. It must be caveman simple (sorry Geico guys), not intellectually simple, but simple in its economy of rules.
It must be something that a child can grasp and play well at their age level, with improvement and skill growing with age. It also must be appealing and available to all age groups at their level of ability and maturity.
And, there must be blood. Blood should be spilled at some point in a participant's career. Broken bones would suffice, turf burns are acceptable, cuts, scrapes, gouges, black eyes, and pulled muscles are encouraged. Crying, screaming, whimpering, and limping are verboten.
We didn't roll over the Rhineland leaving a trail of tissues, now did we?
So, in my mind, we can go back in time, back to the origins of the Conrad quote and the allusions in Hemingway's prose as to what constitutes manliness. Death, destruction, and blood.
That's what separates sports from games...an ambulance ride.
Now get off your couch and go outside and get some air...and take a ball with you.
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3 months ago
Wonderful wonderful article Joe, starz indeed!
3 months ago
I like it... Things that are inherently dangerous qualify as sports per Conrad, activities with no danger are games... Very good, at least he gets it.
Auto Racing IS a sport, boys and girls... And race car drivers ARE athletes.
http://www.webmd.com/content/article/56/65889.htm
from 3 months ago
you know that i'm in that corner man, just trying to refine the issue.
from 3 months ago
No auto racing is not a sport.
Auto-Racing is Racing; an entitiy within itself. Thus it cannot be described as either a game or a sport, nor its competitors athletes or not. They should be regarded in a completely different way, so we can put that to rest once and for all....if you must have it called a sport then it should be a "death-sport" and the racers "daredevils".
from 3 months ago
i'm with spenser.
i don't deny that race car driving is physically grueling, but i don't consider drivers to be athletes because athletic prowess isn't a pre-requisite to being a good driver.
it really depends upon one's definition of an "athlete."
from 3 months ago
Long Shoremen work hard too, does that make them athletes? Nobody doubts that driving a race car requires physical fitness, but being physically fit neglects alot of aspects that those other athletes or "athletes" possess.
Strength, hand-eye coordination, speed, lateral quickness, explosiveness, etc.
from 3 months ago
i hate when ppl consider auto racing a sport but i do not agree with the comments of the people on this post.
auto racing is a race. but so is track. you have to consider something like track a sport.
i don't believe auto racing is a sport, but the whole "race" aspect is not a good way of arguing that it isnt a sport
3 months ago
good article.
"And, there must be blood. Blood should be spilled at some point in a participant's career. Broken bones would suffice, turf burns are acceptable, cuts, scrapes, gouges, black eyes and pulled muscles are encouraged. Crying, screaming, whimpering and limping are verboten"
So true.
But conrad was wrong about bullfighting. maybe bullriding; those guys are way more hardcore, and enjoy a much shorter career full of irrevocable bodily harm. At least nowadays; old bullfighters seemed to be more dangerous but i could be wrong
Why should i appreciate a guy who can strike a death blow to an animal that has been wounded and gouged for nearly an hour by other participants. They essentially bleed the thing to death and generally break its spirit before that "athlete" comes in. At which point he looks like a fearless man in front of a weakened bull bleeding from every orafice. This is the reason I always root for the bull and hope to see every thespian dressed as prince or "matadors" as they're called in spain to be gored mercilissly, their entrails spread across the dirt, and left to bleed to death.
from 3 months ago
Your opinions concerning bullfighting are more than valid were shared by Hemingway. His two novellas on the subject show him fascinated yet torn between the glory and inhumanity of the contest itself. In the end he was a captivated by the spectacle but saddened by the "sport".
And as you say, PBR is certainly a sport and with the horn in the other ass cheek, so to speak.
3 months ago
Wow, great read L.J., gave you five stars and my pick of the day.
3 months ago
That was a great read.
Here's my own take:
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/34242-open-mic-what-defines-a-sport-do-golf-and-nascar-make-the-cut
3 months ago
So to reply to Spencer... Regarding racing and drivers...
Does that mean that football players are athletes? Is football a "sport"? So linemen are athletes? Using that logic, then Sumo wrestling is a sport and Sumo wrestlers are "athletes".
Racing IS a sport. The skills and physical requirements are far above other things considered a "sport".
Baseball, for example.
When it comes down to it, this discussion goes well beyond the definition of "sport"... It also involves defining "athlete", "game", and "competition".
from 3 months ago
Man like most racing fans your're not getting what i'm trying to say.
Racing is another entitiy in itself, not a sport nor the "drivers" athletes. That dosen't take away from what they do but it just isn't the same in any way. Why must every racing fan push so hard to convince us of this? Much of what they do is every bit as amazing in many peoples eyes but it is different; its racing pure and simple; whether its horses, humans, cars, bicycles whatever the hell you want it's still racing. Track isn't a sport its track. They have athletes but its not a sport.
In regards to your sumo wrestler comment they do move around that ring more than a driver does an entire race.....and please don't get into all this gforce and endurance talk going because i don't care and I'm not looking to have a completely arbitrary unwinnable and worthless argument over it.
Whether or not race drivers are athletes is debateable and a worthless one at that.
I have no problem with racing i just think it is entirely different in every way for better or worse.
lastly everyone who tries to pick on football by using lineman as their example of unathletic people forget that they are more fat than muscle and i garentee that 98% of those lineman can run a .40 faster than you or I can; they all were faster than rich eisen. So for their size and strength its pretty astounding.
3 months ago
actually, i feel a sport is something that you put forth an effort in a physical energy sort of way-other than just putting your hand to your mouth to eat something. though you may have to "train yourself", by eating so much stuff to expand your stomach. then maybe practicing this in a specific time frame. as much as i find this entertaining to watch, it is NOT a sport-neither is poker playing, chess or anything along the lines of the either. they are ACTIVITES. there are people who like to debate technicalities over the different meanings of the definition of something- so i guess me writing this might be a sport, then to some?!! as i just sit here practicing my "key-stroke" and the efficiency of my typing!!??? come on man, if your sitting on your a**, it 'aint a SPORT. AND yes , i realize some activities you can stand, use your head- if your sweating because your nervous, or just because its hot wherever you are, instead of sweating from actually doing something, like physical exurtion of sorts(REAL sorts), it is NOT a sport!!- sorry video game guys, that means you too! yes, guitar hero is NOT a sport either! just because something might be a competition, doesn't make it a sport. well, i gotta go mow the lawn, sure am glad i went to mower practice yesterday, i'm gonna kick that grass's a**- i'll make sure that sh** never forgets THIS CUTTING!!-it won't ever want to come back.- NOT IN MY HOUSE! i'll show you competitive!!!
from 3 months ago
Competition.
3 months ago
as far as the Bull fighting-not so much a sport. a little one sided don't you think?! if someone were standing in front of me taunting, with anything, then trying to stick me with a sword as i charged - i'd be pissed too! where's the level playing field?- foreigners are a little weird. NASCAR- don't really follow it much, but i do know that race car driving history stems from RUNNIN' "shine" (white lightnin', ya' know moonshine!). in that instance i'm all for it , but a sport? i don't know- you can get alot of rednecks fired up with this one! Mountain Climbing-though you may find your gear at the "sporting-goods" store, not so sure it is a sport either, or are there mountain climbing competitions?! do you win if you climb the mountain the fastest without dying or coming close to dying? too nutty for me, if we were made to climb mountains we'd probably all have hooves like a billy goat, or be able to run up them like a mountain lion. it's not for me, don't do well with the height thing! the closest i get to that would be on my MOUNTAIN BIKE. Good day!
3 months ago
My family's Yahtzee tournaments would qualify. I'm still paying E/R expenses from when my mom hit me over the head with a chair after a Triple Yahtzee buried her double on the last hand.
We've discontinued the tournament.
Great article.
from 3 months ago
Hey! That's a whole new sports category there Greg ... Blood and Guts Board Games ... we should talk to someone in the front office here.
I got stabbed during a game of Risk once. It was over Kamchatka I think.
from 3 months ago
Dude, Risk gets intense. One of my favorite Seinfeld episodes involved Kramer, Newman and a game of Risk.
Now if we could only make Candyland violent...oh wait, it's called the Miami Dolphins.
from 3 months ago
Too freakin' funny Greg, too funny!
from 2 months ago
I almost pulled a sports hernia laughing so hard..maybe it was the sticky ricky, dont forget Williams is still on the team...lol
3 months ago
...my in tense moment may actually be the real reason they don't make LAWN JARTS the way they used to. it's ugly!
from 3 months ago
You have GOT to miss Lawn Jarts man ... you know Emergency Rooms miss 'em!
Good call J.
3 months ago
L.J., great job! I hadn't read any Open Mics on this topic -- including yours -- when I filed my Open Mic a few hours ago. It's in a somewhat similar vein, even has a reference to lawn darts. I left off the name Jarts!
from 3 months ago
your's is outstanding brian. best to drop Jarts or we'll end up in a copyright snitfit with somebody.
from 3 months ago
good thing bleacher report is the open source sports community :)
3 months ago
I want to say one thing about what is or isn't a sport.
I think that no matter what the event is...fans of that event will say it is a sport. Golf fans will say golf is a sport just like racing fans will say racing is a sport. I, myself, am a big NASCAR fan and consider NASCAR to be a sport. However, I understand both sides of the fence. There are reasons that NASCAR can AND can't be a sport.
All I ask is respect my desire to call NASCAR a sport. Even if you disagree with me 100%, let me call it what I want. I think that is what it all comes down to.
So for all those people who say NASCAR isn't a sport...that is your opinion. I have mine. We all have one.
3 months ago
The reason NASCAR is a sport is because of hand eye coordination similiar to a baseball hitter is necessary to be successful.
This article has several items that strike me as interesting:
1- A night club known as the El Matador. Man, that sounds like the coolest place on earth. I would expect Peter Gunn to be sipping on a bourbon at the bar.
2- Bull fighting. You've got Hemingway quoted, and I can't add to that.
3- Blood spilling. Yes.
4- Hot Dog eating contest. Now, it may not be a sport but, a good hot dog is a miracle of nature.
Hey keep up the good work LJ.
2 months ago
My former girlfriend and I used to take sport in my hotrod but it was in the backseat. Unfortunately it ended in a game of jedi-mind tricks. I still dont know who won....good memories though.
from 2 months ago
yeah, those were the daze ...
2 months ago
Hey, I'm your 1000th reader!
In response to your title: yes, but not one to aspire to; no; and, well, you know how I feel about racing. I ascribe more to George Carlin's definition--it must include defense--in conjunction with the Webster's--it must be athletic. But I fully reject his attitude about hockey and point out that hockey does contain both of the above elements!
from 2 months ago
Hockey is undeniably at the pinnacle of sport's definition.
2 months ago
By this standard we can rightfully deem Russian Roulet a sport. And my wife says that I'm not athletic.
from 2 months ago
dunno 'bout athletic ... but yer damn lucky. you are right?
from about 1 month ago
Is watching or playing more of a diversion for you?
about 1 month ago
L.J. -
Just read your "What's a Sport?" article.
Very good! That will keep me thinking about the definition(s) for some time.
Sincerely,
Tom S.
about 14 hours ago
i must disagree and argue that NASCAR is indeed a sport and that your own arguments have only gone to convince me further. what i can't understand, as i've stated elsewhere, is why fans of each "sport," whatever it may be, believe they have a monopoly on the term, and worse, believe they are the only true arbiters of what is and what isn't a sport. i don't know who died and made "stick-and-ball" sports fans the kings and decision makers to whom we are supposed to bow or at least genuflect in supplication in hopes of getting our favorite pastime deemed a sport.
as for at least one of the comments above, it's not us nascar fans trying so hard to push the fact that it's a sport on everyone else--to us it already is. it's that we tire of people from the stick-and-ball sports denigrating our favorite pastime by trying to claim it isn't a sport, as if by doing so they elevate themselves from the "riff-raff" that are auto racing fans. puh-leaze. why we should be almost constantly put on the defensive and "forced" to explain why our sport is a sport is beyond me.
bottom line, if you're a "true sports fan"/stick-and-ball fundamentalist and believe yours is the only sport and/or that auto racing isn't, fine. you are entitled to your opinions. but remember, if you feel the need to bash on another's conception of what a sport is, then "methinks thou doth protest too much."
stick to your sports and definitions and quit bashing fans of other "endeavors" by trying to put them down by saying what they do or like isn't a sport. in doing so you are only showing your own insecurities in your "fanhood."
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