Look, betting the over/under is passe. Moneylining the Colts? Boring. Even taking the over on 43.5 rushing yards from Pierre Thomas isn’t all that exciting anymore.
Once again, CraftyBalky is here for you.
After painstakingly scouring sports books from all over the world, I have found the top ten prop bet locks that you cannot find in any Vegas sportsbook. I hope it’s worth the effort:
1. Which side of Drew Brees’ face will be shown more? Birthmark side (+100) Non-birthmark side (-115)
This is easy. It’s the non-birthmark side. Why? Think about it. If you’re pounding hot wings, guacamole and imported beer, you’re going to be pretty apt to flip to PBA bowling than looking at that ugly thing. CBS knows how to keep their viewers: Don’t make them want to vomit.
2. Mentions of Dwight Freeney’s ankle (-3.5), Mentions of Haiti earthquake (+3.5)
Give away the points. This one won’t be close. Haitian Pierre Garcon could have three touchdowns by the half and CBS will still be begging the Colts to install a camera on Freeney’s knee that faces down.
3. Brett Favre announces he is coming back for the 2010 season at halftime of the game. (OFF)
This sucks, because you know Bus Cook is arranging the interview right now. You can tell your friends CraftyBalky reported this first.
4. Combined more mentions/shots during brodcast: Kim Kardashian (PK) or Tony Dungy (PK)
Dungy said he’d be surprised if the Colts didn’t win and coached most of this team to a Super Bowl win a few years ago. Kardashian has a nice rack. (It’s Kardashian in a landslide.)
5. What beverage will Archie and Eli Manning have in front of them in the luxury box?
Straight Southern Comfort +600
Hedge your bets and take all of these. My money is on SoCo because of the New Orleans connection, though.
6. Point spread: Super Bowl viewers (-56,500) vs. Toyota recalls (+56.500)
This line is messed up. Almost a billion people will watch the Super Bowl worldwide. To date, only about 16 million Toyotas have been recalled. (I’m still taking the points.)
7. New Orleans tight end Dave Thomas is referred to as the Baconator during the broadcast:
Before yesterday’s craftybalky.com blog post: 500:1.
After yesterday’s craftybalky.com blog post: EVEN
Don’t doubt the reach of this blog. It’s gonna happen. I am currently trying to buy the rights to the nickname before the NFL takes over. Which leads me into #8.
8. Number of fans the NFL throws out of the Super Bowl for displaying “Who Dat?” merchandise:
The money-grubbing NFL is always quick to take away anything related to its game if it’s not profiting from it. Who Dat? isn’t any different. (A WORD FROM THE NFL: WE ARE CURRENTLY INVESTIGATING THIS BLOG. NO MENTION OF WHO D*T? WILL APPEAR ON THIS WEB SITE AGAIN WITHOUT OUR EXPRESSED WRITTEN CONSENT.) See what I mean? Thanks, Roger.
9. Number of F-bombs Peyton Manning drops in post game press conference after throwing four interceptions in loss (+1) vs. number of new Tiger Woods mistresses that come to light on Sunday (-1).
Never bet against the best athlete in the world. Woods is the play here.
10. Combined references: Jim Nantz refers to Masters and/or NCAA basketball tournament (+3.0) vs. Phil Simms refers to his Super Bowl win and/or how he would have done things better than Manning or Brees this game (-3.0)
Nantz is good, but his ego is nothing compared to a former pro athlete’s ego. Take Simms.
There you have it folks. Now all you have to do is find a sportsbook in Dubai that will take this action. Enjoy the game!