NFL Newswire Rundown: July 1, 2008

The following is from the critically acclaimed (if everyone's a critic, then my dad counts) fantasy football site http://ffwriterswithhair.blogspot.com/ For more amazing writing like this, go check out the site. And help a brother out by clicking on the ads.

The ESPY nominees were announced today, and I'd like to encourage everyone to go out and support your favorite writer—yours truly.

I was nominated for Best Record Breaking Performance (most shameless pleas to readers for them to click on ads in a single blog of all time), and I hope everyone supports me by voting. You have no idea how much I want to get on stage to accept that award, and punch Justin Timberlake in the face for making the song "Sexy Back."

Du du du oooh ooh, I need ya girl, du du...Piece of crap, it's in my head again. Thanks a lot Justin. Quick, I need something to distract me from the music. My job? What's your suggestion? For me to do the task at hand? That could work...

Henry's Fate in Hands of Court System

Jurors in ex-Bengal Chris Henry's assault trial will resume deliberations Tuesday, after failing to arrive at a consensus on Monday.

Closing arguments were made Monday afternoon. Henry, on trial for striking an 18-year old in the face, claims the boy was hurling racial slurs at him and his friends, so Henry acted in self-defense. The jury holds Henry's NFL future in its hands. He'll likely be thrown out of the league if convicted.

You know, for a professional athlete, Chris Henry doesn't sound very tough. Since when did "racial slurs" cause one to defend themselves by throwing punches?

Henry obviously doesn't understand that "...words will never hurt him."

Later in the day, this case was given a mistrial. Chris Henry's life must suck right now. Earlier this week, he got his car towed away from the parking lot of the court where his case turned out to be bogus. Bummer.

Another Criminal NFL Player

The Lions' coaching staff reportedly envisions Brian Calhoun as a third-down back and outside runner who will also contribute on special teams.

The Lions reportedly remain "extremely high" on Calhoun's speed. The only thing Tatum Bell does well is run, so it isn't unreasonable to think Calhoun could make him obsolete during the season.

It's a good sign for Calhoun that the staff still thinks he's fast after two lost seasons due to a bad knee.

The Lions are high on Calhoun's speed? I didn't know Brian was a drug dealer. John Kitna is gonna have a fit when he hears this. That's a sin.

Guy With Funny Name Plays Three Positions

Former Falcons and 49ers WR Otis Amey led the Arena Football League with 50 touchdowns this season.

He was tried as a punt returner during his brief NFL stint. Amey's Orlando Predators, coached by Jon's brother Jay Gruden, fell to the Cleveland Gladiators 69-66 in the playoffs Monday, behind Raymond Philyaw's four TD passes to Robert Redd and three to ex-Ravens wideout Randy Hymes.

Amey is a wide receiver, punt returner, and a quarterback? Now this guy deserves an ESPY for something.

Barnett's Trouble Resolved

Packers' MLB Nick Barnett has completed a deferred prosecution agreement stemming from an incident that happened at an Appleton nightclub last summer and will avoid a criminal conviction.

Barnett allegedly knocked drinks out of two women's hands, and then knocked one of the women to the floor in June 2007. Avoiding the conviction doesn't rule out NFL discipline, but Barnett is probably not in danger of a multi-game suspension.

I guess Barnett wasn't lying when he said the Packers defense is going to be more aggressive...

Allen To Talk About Drinking

Jared Allen will discuss his past alcohol-related issues at the 2008 Rookie Symposium in Carlsbad, California.

"Honestly, I'm not sure if anyone will listen," he said. "But at least we can say that someone told them. It's good for them to see some real-life anecdotes."

Allen has two strikes in the NFL (both DUIs), but his slate will be wiped clean if he stays out of trouble until September. He appears to be well on his way.

Jared Allen is going to talk to rookies about drinking problems at a get together that originally meant a drinking party. Aww, the irony.

Earl Bennett Has Deceptive Speed

Bears signed third-round WR Earl Bennett to a four-year contract.

The Vanderbilt product has "deceptive" speed, which often translates into an effective slot man. The SEC's all-time leading receiver enters training camp no higher than fourth on a jumbled depth chart, but he has an opportunity to play quite a bit as a rookie.

No, no. Deceptive speed is amphetamines disguised as flour. Bennett must be a drug dealer too...

With that line, I deserve the ESPY for "Best Finish." Yowza.