It’s time for the Top 7’s annual look at what your alternates are for this Sunday in case you don’t want to watch the Superbowl.
Counterprogramming is a valued skill for any program director, so it’s key to gear your choices to the people who don’t watch the Superbowl, and since I have no idea who these people are, you’re just going to have to imagine the people who are watching shows like the following instead of the Superbowl.
7. Sleepless in Seattle, Showtime
Since it’s another Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks movie, I can use this opportunity to go on a rant about the movie You’ve Got Mail. Is there a worse place in history for Dave Chappelle to be? Why in holy hell did he agree to be in this movie? Ever since I saw it, I can’t forgive Tom Hanks for being in this heaping pile of crap, or myself for seeing it. Take someone on the verge of violence and have them watch the opening scene where Meg Ryan bounces around peeking to see if anyone is watching before checking her e-mail, and I guarantee you that it’s going to throw them over the edge.
There may be worse movies than this, but at least something like From Justin to Kelly is entertainingly bad. This movie legitimately makes me angry.
6. World’s Strictest Parents
Somehow I doubt that this particular title lives up to its name unless each episode ends with the parents torturing and murdering their children. A kid in my childhood neighborhood’s mom used to come outside and blow a whistle when it was time to come in for the evening.
No matter what he was doing—he could have been hitting in the last inning only needing a ground-rule double into the trees to win the game—he would immediately start sprinting off in the direction of his house. It was one of the more entertaining things I can remember seeing.###MORE###
5. Grammy Awards Fashion Wrap-Up, TV Guide Channel
Most of the Grammy performances now are “throw the most random people together and let them sing part of one of the person’s songs six different times.”
The best “featuring”s that I can think of at awards shows were when Neil Young played with Pearl Jam at the Video Music Awards, and when Sting sung with Puff Daddy. Once Elton John headed out there with Eminem, all bets were off, and it has led to Celine Dion and Carrie Underwood singing Michael Jackson songs with Usher. It’s impossible to make something like that up. So in case you missed out on all of that, you can at least catch up on what the folks were wearing.
4. GHOSTS: CAUGHT ON TAPE, BIO
There are in fact two different shows on ghosts on this Sunday, but this one gets the nod because they were actually caught on tape! If you go to any historical area of basically any town in the United States, you’ll find one of those “ghost tours.”
Ghosts are big business.
It’s amazing that some of the ghosts haven’t gotten pissed off and demanded part of the revenue from the tours and the shows. Mark it down—at some point, there is going to be some kind of a ghost strike where ghosts unite to try to recover some of the money that they are making for all of these people.
3 and 2. STATE OF THE UNION, CNN/HANNITY, FOX NEWS
In the five years of doing this particular list, it’s the first time that Road to the White House was not on C Span! Instead, we’ll go political this way. Did you miss the State of the Union? Well here is a perfect way to get caught up.
First, watch the actual speech. Then flip it over to Sean and find out all of the messages contained in the speech which proves that Obama is out to destroy America. It’s important that you do this.
1. PUPPY BOWL VI
It’s almost made the list all six years running. Take the average dog owner who chooses to watch the Puppy Bowl over the Superbowl. If these people had the choice between saving their dog or saving a family member, I’m pretty certain that about 90% of them would choose their dogs without even thinking twice.
Everyone loves dogs. Some people love dogs so much that it becomes insanely disturbing.