With everyone else coming onto this site to write articles about how great their team is and why they are going to go undefeated this football season, I decided that I am going to take a different route.
My posts will be all about how much different teams piss me off, or at least look at some of the other aspects of college football besides the team. That could be the cheerleaders, the crowd, the bands—like I said, any and every aspect of the college football season.
Before I begin with the first annoyance...let us have a moment of silence for UGA the VI, the Georgia mascot who passed away last night of heart failure.
...
Since we're on the topic of mascots, let's look at all of the Pac-10 mascots.
Arizona: Wilbur the Wildcat
A school should only have one mascot. Arizona proudly boasts Wilbur the Wildcat, who married Wilma the Wildcat. That just doesn't seem fair.
Luckily, Wilma cursed the football program by falling off a pier into the ocean at the 1998 Holiday Bowl—coincidentally, Arizona has not been to a bowl game since. Maybe if the two of them made love after the game, people would stick around until the end.
Arizona State: Sparky the Sun Devil
ASU had several mascot ideas before settling on the Sun Devil in 1946, such mascots being the bulldogs, owls, and the "normals." I can see why they decided to go with Sun Devils instead of "normals."
This mascot runs around with his little pitchfork, creepy smile that is a reminder of scary clowns at your local traveling circus, and evil Frenchman-like mustache. I'm sure I am not the only one who hopes he accidentally impales himself on his pitchfork.
California: Oski the Bear
Does anyone else think this bear looks like he fell on his face one too many times? This is the worst-looking bear mascot I have ever seen. If I was a little kid coming to the game, I would be scared out of my mind looking at him. I think Oski needs to fight a real bear at halftime—then there will be a reason for him to look like he is missing a chromosome.
Oregon: Puddles the Duck
Look...I love Oregon. It's my team. But couldn't we have come up with an original mascot instead of using Donald Duck and changing its name? I know we have a handshake agreement with Walt Disney, but come on.
Nike's Mandrake Duck was a huge letdown—he was released in 2003 and never showed up again. Props on beating the crap out of the Houston Cougar, though—that was rad.
Oregon State: Benny the Beaver
Oregon State's first mascot was a Coyote, but they switched to the beaver in the late 1800s. Why would anyone change their mascot from a Coyote to a Beaver? The only reason I can think of is so the mascot looks more like the people in the town.
Stanford: Cardinal
A common mistake about Stanford's mascot: Cardinal refers to the color, not the bird. Cardinal is a deep red color which Stanford adopted as its mascot in the late 1800s.
First off, a color? REALLY? That's your mascot? Where did the tree come from that runs around at football games? What does that have to do with your mascot?
This is the kind of logic your brain can't process—don't think about it too long or your brain might kill you. Maybe the geniuses at Stanford have some ridiculous math equation that created the link between Cardinal and a Tree...but probably not. If they were geniuses, their team might actually win.
UCLA: Joe the Bruin
For those that don't know, a Bruin is just another name for a brown bear. This is yet another school with two mascots, Joe and Josephine—way to be creative with the names. Even the Arizona mascots have two names that are slightly different. At least these mascots actually look like bears instead of Cal's sorry excuse for a mascot.
USC: Trojan
Trojan—so many lame high school jokes right there. Sorry if your mascot has a name, but frankly, I couldn't care less. The Trojans were great warriors and all, but...didn't they lose? I think we all learned that in high school, so I assume your founder didn't have a High School degree.
Washington: Harry the Husky
The original mascot at Washington was the "Sun Dodger," which is much more appropriate for the school. Thank god this mascot actually looks like a husky though. With a lack of things to make fun of this mascot for, I conclude with, "Huck the Fuskies!"
Washington State: Butch the Cougar
A cougar was presented to the university by the Washington Governor in 1919. The student body named it Butch, by request of the governor. Butch T. Cougar, I believe, is the only Pac-10 mascot with a middle name. Way to be different guys.
Now the Cougar is a student in a costume, and is another mascot that looks like its been hit in the face with a shovel. Bring back the live Cougars—that's way cooler, and maybe if you're lucky the Cougar will eat an opposing player.
comments (6) write a comment »
write a new comment
3 months ago
I agree, the USC founder probably didnt have a degree.
3 months ago
Stanford was known as the Indians until recently when they became the Cardinal.
from 3 months ago
True, didn't mention that. It changed from Indians to Cardinal in 1972. I just had no reason to make fun of Stanford for being the Indians, much easier to make fun of the Cardinal. Good call though.
from 3 months ago
And the school has an official seal and a tree, in addition to its nickname of Cardinal. The official school seal and logo has a redwood pine tree on it (there are many of them on campus, as well as palm trees), and is the basis for the Tree. There is a difference, in some cases, between a school's nickname and a school's mascot. Indeed, the Tree is not even considered to be a "mascot" by Stanford.
Just thought I'd let you know . . . I understand why some people don't understand or like the Tree, but I love it for its irreverance and untraditional approach. I think a mascot that doesn' take itself seriously is a great thing.
3 months ago
Cardinal the color did replace the Indian in 1972 as has been pointed out. It came down to the Cardinal, which the administration loved because of it's polar opposite level of political correctness vis-a-vis the Indian & Chief Light Foot. The other final option was the Robber Barrons as an ode to Leland Stanford Sr., the Railroad Tycoon. The students liked Robber Barrons, but, as is true of most schools, the administration won out. Perhaps there were a number of vocal Robber Barrons at the time that may have been offended. Who knows.
The excessively intoxicated Stanford Tree is actually the "Marching" Band's Mascot, and travels with the equally drunken band to all the sports events. The Band and the Tree are essentially a flagrant mockery of a traditional Band/Mascot and fly in the face of say, Bezerkly or USC for example.
I can see how this would be frustratingly difficult to understand for people outside of the Stanford community. Numerous Texas Longhorn fans as smart as their mascot asked what the deal was with the tree at the Elite 8 this year. My friends didn't bother to try to explain.
For a similarly awesome mascot/color combo, see Dartmouth's Keggy the Keg.
3 months ago
Hey Mr. mascot expert. Who do you think would win in a PAC 10 mascot cage match? Who do you think would be the first to lose by submission?
write a new comment