Breaking News: WWE Counters TNA's Signing of Bastion Booger (Humor)

Quinn GammonCorrespondent IJanuary 27, 2010

In the true spirit of competition, I offer a counter to Ashley Morris's epic "Bastion Booger signs with TNA" article with this piece of legendary proportions.

This article is purely for enjoyment purposes and is not meant to disrespect anyone of hispanic heritage.


This right here people, is the new face of professional wrestling. He's a tower of power, the man of the hour, too sweet to be sour. He does figure eights, he lifts barbell plates, he's sweeter than a german chocolate cake.

He's too hot to handle and too cold to hold, ladies and gents I give you, Superstar Willie Graham!

In response to Ashley Morris's groundbreaking story of Bastion Booger's unprecedented signing with the hot as ice TNA Wrestling promotion, I've chosen to bring to the table WWE's counter for the monumental event.

In accordance to Ashley's article, Vince McMahon was indeed, quite peeved at the discovery that one of the greatest in-ring talents in the history of the business was signing with TNA.

So mad was the Vinman that he even cancelled his granddaughter Aurora's gumball machine-exclusive credit card and fired her stroller chauffeur.

Compelled to make a public counter to TNA's remarkable aquisition, Vinnie Mac pulled out all the stops and arranged the aforementioned major signing of Superstar Willie Graham from TNA Wrestling.

Not only will this top the signing of Bastion Booger, it will far exceed anything that TNA has done so far.

Formerly known as Willie Urbina of TNA's epic Spanish Broadcasting team, Superstar Willie Graham has a background in Brazillian HoChiMihn-Kwan-Doozy that would make even a skilled martial artist the caliber of CP Munk quiver in his fuzzy leotard.

When asked about his silence regarding his in-ring abilities in TNA, Superstar Willie Graham had this to say:

"You see, I had to keep mi familia in mind, man. I needed to do what TNA felt was good for me, even if I didn't like it too much. With both Bastion Booger and Bubba The Love Sponge on board, man I didn't stand a chance. I knew once Mr. Mac offered me the contract that I had to take it and showcase my true skills."

WWE plans on bringing Superstar Willie Graham to the forefront of the flagship promotion, Monday Night RAW and thanks to the insider tips from The Brooklyn Mauler, future WWE Champion and son of the legendary Hall of Famer Brooklyn Brawler, I can bring you exclusive details regarding the storyline that has been drawn up to bring Superstar Willie Graham into play.

The rough sketch has Superstar Willie Graham debuting as an angry heel, abhorring the pitiful treatment of both the Spanish Announcers and their table over the years.

It's no secret that the spanish announce table is the stuff of legends in World Wrestling Entertainment and Superstar Willie Graham intends to use it to springboard into WWE fame.

The ideal situation calls for Superstar Willie Graham to form a tag team with rising star and multi-time hispanic World Champion Primo Colon, currently in the midst of an epic singles run on RAW.

The duo will run roughshod over the flagship show, ending with Superstar Willie Graham challenging the prospective Unified Tag Team Champions, John Cena and Sheamus to the first ever "Albino Firecrotch Spanish Announce Table" match, the stipulation being that the only way to win is to slam an Albino Firecrotch through the aforementioned epic spanish table of yore.

The end result should be obvious to all: John Cena turning on current crowd favorite and legendary veteran Sheamus and slamming his Albino Firecrotch ass through the table, thus completing his much-desired heel turn.

During the unbelieveably intense run, the group is planning on redubbing themselves "Myme Tyme", taking up the amazingly entertaining gimmick of pantomiming the theft of rival Superstars personal possessions!

Coupled with WWE's potential signing of major TNA stars Don West and Shark Boy, this could lead to the complete revival of WWE's currently struggling tag team division.

There are currently plans to have Shark Boy feud with The Hurricane over legendary Superheroine Wonder Woman. The Amazon warrior princess will be played by former multitime TNA Knockout Champion Leticia Cline ending in a "Winner Gets to Shag With The Supergirl" match, to take place on Wednesday Night's ECW on Cartoon Network, the only WWE show currently not rated PG.

Alongside the hopeful signing and completion of the Superhero Shag storyline, the end of Superstar Willie Graham's debut program calls for the eventual split from the group and Willie duking it out in the ring with the scheduled April 5 RAW Guest Host: None other than former WCW World Champion and current Hollywood A-Lister David "Don't Call Me Gordy" Arquette!

So, despite the epic signing of Bastion Booger, The Taped One, to TNA Wrestling, the winner of the match will once again be WWE.

Kudos to you Vince on your epic siging of these hidden gems as a counter to your fiercest rivals.

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