PEA The New PED: Performance Enhancing Accessories!

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PEA The New PED: Performance Enhancing Accessories!
Al Bello/Getty Images

Well, it might as well start somewhere right?

In a parody ad for a hypothetical product the issue of Manny Pacquiao owning an amulet that makes him bullet-proof is sure to start the practice of testing for accessories that make an athlete perform even better.

How do you test for these things though?

Well first it has to be verified that these accessories actually do what they are believed to do. In the case of becoming bullet-proof it will be satisfactory to place the object in question onto a dummy of exact proportions in height and weight to the person whom the accessory belongs. If that dummy is bullet-proof while wearing the accessory then it must be assumed that the wearer is protected even when they aren't necessarily wearing the accessory. 

That's only fair.

Next the accessory must be used with someone else who doesn't believe in voodoo or magic and who could not possibly compete otherwise in the same division, make that any division, without being completely pulverized.

If that person wins than the accessory is deemed a PEA, Performance Enhancing Accessory.

Anyone caught using the accessory, whether in photos or videos or even on their way to the ring, should be immediately disqualified or accused of using PED's as there currently is no rule about using PEA's.

There goes baseball.

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