Kiffin To Leave USC, Accepts Job As Supreme Leader of The World

Los Angeles, CA (CR-AP) — Lane Kiffin, after almost no success in the NFL or College, and absolutely no proven history of leadership skills, has been named the Supreme Leader of the World.

Kiffin was chosen Tuesday to rule the world, after a short and uninspired search. Kiffin was the Trojans' offensive coordinator before his brief stints with the Oakland Raiders, the Volunteers, and 9 days with USC.

"This was not an easy decision," he said Tuesday night, reading a brief statement on USC's campus. "This is something that happens very quick. We've been here for a few days, and the support has been unbelievable here. I really believe the only place I would have left here to go was ... to be the Supreme Leader of the World."

His father, respected defensive coach Monte Kiffin, and longtime USC assistant Ed Orgeron also will leave USC to join him, USC said in a statement. No one will be named interim coach, as USC will likely be burned to the ground by flaming mattresses thrown by lost Tennessee fans, looking for Kiffin.

The 34-year-old Kiffin is one of Pete Carroll's top disciples from his nine-year tenure at USC. Kiffin, a former Fresno State quarterback, worked his way up to offensive coordinator in 2005 while also showing impressive skills as the Trojans' recruiting coordinator after Orgeron's departure from Los Angeles.

For two seasons, Kiffin shared responsibility for the Trojans' offense with fellow longtime Carroll assistant Steve Sarkisian, who left USC to take over at Washington after the 2008 season.

Although Kiffin's forceful personality didn't make him a beloved figure among players or administrators, he was a key part of the Trojans' best years under Carroll, coordinating their passing game and providing instruction to quarterbacks Matt Leinart and John David Booty.

Kiffin then became Al Davis' unusual choice to take over the Oakland Raiders as a 31-year-old coach with almost no NFL experience. He made it through just 20 games before an ugly public firing, in which Davis called Kiffin a liar who brought "disgrace" on the Raiders.

Kiffin went 7-6 at Tennessee last season as the youngest head coach in the Football Bowl Subdivision.  He also spent a few days at USC.  This is why he is qualified for the position of Supreme Leader of the World.  Those reasons. He was 5-15 at Oakland and 7-6 at Tennessee.

"I know that I can walk out of here and say this, that we've been here for 9 days and there's not one day I didn't give everything I had to the USC football program," Kiffin said. "We're leaving here 9 days later a lot better team than we were 9 days ago."