Steelers Owner Art Rooney Reinstates Their Secret Formula For Winning!

Timothy KesslerAnalyst IJanuary 20, 2010

MIAMI - JANUARY 03: Injured safety Troy Polamalu #43 of the Pittsburgh Steelers watches from the sidelines as his team takes on the Miami Dolphins at Land Shark Stadium on January 3, 2010 in Miami, Florida. The Steelers defeated the Dolphins 30-24.  (Photo by Doug Benc/Getty Images)
Doug Benc/Getty Images

I wrote this article over six months ago, and I felt there was no better time than now to bring it back, as Art Rooney II apparently read it himself… finally.

He has taken control and also told his coaches to read it before the start of next season.

Not only to read it, but to implement it into their daily thinking and the team’s philosophy once again.

The information that lies within this short article has led to a league leading six Lombardi Trophies. Believe that or not, it’s true, and Rooney wants a seventh.

So I lifted the patent once again.

This is going to be one of the most scientifically based articles that you will ever read, as well as politically correct, I might add. So buckle in, read carefully, and try and follow along.

Since this is concerning Pittsburgh’s “recently ignored but thankfully reinstated” secret formula for winning, only Steelers fans are allowed to read any further.

Thank you for your compliance.

We certainly do not need any New England patrons trying to sneak yet another advantage over us, as they already have by acquiring our signals earlier this decade.

Without any further adieu, let us begin…

Every one of us has heard the saying that “the best offense is a great defense”. Have you not? Yes you have. So there is our first truth.

We are going to accept it as such because there is nothing more scientific than popular belief. It is almost as good as seeing something on TV, or with your own eyes. So it has got to be true.

Now, I am going to try and attempt to prove another statement as truth without the backing of popular belief or acceptance.

This is not an easy thing to do. Please do not attempt this at home. This should only be attempted under the supervision of a trained debating professional.

Here we go…”the best defense is a great running offense”.

Why do I say that? More importantly, why are you going to accept it as truth?

Well, first…because I am telling you to. Second, it would be really nice of you. Third and most importantly, the article will not work unless you do. So just accept it and keep reading.

Here are also some facts that prove it to be true.

1- A good running game will keep our defense off the field and fresh as our offense will be on the field longer. They will be more capable of defending the field because they will have more energy.

2- A good running game will keep the opposing teams defense on the field longer as it eat up time of possession, tiring them out by the fourth quarter. They will be less capable of defending the field because they will have less energy.

3- A good running game will keep the opposing teams offense off the field as well. The longer they are off the field, the less chance they have of scoring.

4- A good running game will keep the opposing team’s defense more honest, which will result in a better passing game, giving us a better chance at scoring.

This bodes well for our chances of success. It has been proven over many years of trial and error; hence, it is now a scientifically proven fact that…“the best defense is a great running offense”.

Popular belief and acceptance of this newly found statement will soon follow. Without a doubt it will become as widely accepted as “the best offense is a great defense”.

With that still fresh in our minds; let us apply both of those facts to another greatly known and widely used mathematical equation, shall we?

If A=B and B=C then, of course, A=C.

So, if…

“the best offense” (A) = “a great defense” (B) …as is widely accepted



“the best defense” (B) = “a great running offense” (C) …as we just proved


Then it absolutely holds true that…


“the best offense”  (A) = “a great running offense” (C)


It has now become not only a football fact, but a mathematical fact as well.


There you have it. Undisputed scientific proof as to why the Steelers should have never left their run-first style of offense to become a pass heavy team.


Art Rooney has recently come to realize it himself, after reading this very article, of course. It was the Pittsburgh Steelers’ secret formula to consistently winning over the past 40 years and it will be again.


There can be no denying it. I do not expect to see a single person disagree.


The look on Polamalu's face proves it, as he contemplates all the scientific intricacies behind the formula itself.


I just hope no New England fans read the whole way through this article, or we will have to stop them before they reach Belichick with this ancient Pittsburgh Steelers secret.





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