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Vincent Jackson's Arrest: Speculative Re-Creation (Humor)

SAN DIEGO - JANUARY 17:  Wide receiver Vincent Jackson #83 of the San Diego Chargers stands on the field during  AFC Divisional Playoff Game against the New York Jets at Qualcomm Stadium on January 17, 2010 in San Diego, California.  (Photo by Donald Miralle/Getty Images)
Donald Miralle/Getty Images
Nate PickeringContributor INovember 18, 2016




RIVERS: Hey VJ! How the heck are ya?

JACKSON: Uhh...not so good, man.

RIVERS: How come? What happened?

BILLY VOLEK: Dude, put this sh*t on speaker phone RIGHT NOW.

JACKSON: Well, let's just say I'm sitting on a curb with a cop holding the
cell phone up to my ear.

RIVERS: Aww, shoot.

VOLEK: Oh, sh*t.

JACKSON: Yeah man, something about driving with a suspended license and
expired tags.

RIVERS: Golly gee whiz, they pulled you over for that?

JACKSON: Well, not exactly.

RIVERS: What was it then?

JACKSON: I guess this officer's not a big Ghostface Killa fan. Pulled my ass
over for loud music.

RIVERS: So let me see if I've got this straight. Your license is suspended,
your tags are expired, it's a game day, and you thought it was a good idea
to drive yourself to the stadium AND test out your new trunk woofers?

JACKSON: Don't judge me, man! At least I don't listen to that Lynyrd Skynyrd

VOLEK: He's got a point there, Phil.

RIVERS: Okay, so what is it you need from me?

JACKSON: Cops are gonna tow the car. The officer said if I could call
somebody for a ride he'll let me go, otherwise he has to take me to jail.

RIVERS: Holy shucks! That officer's gonna be the most hated man in San Diego
if you miss the game!

JACKSON: Yeah, tell me about it. When I rolled down the window and he saw
who I was, he started crying like a little girl and screaming "NO! OH PLEASE

POLICE OFFICER: Hey asshole, SDPD officers don't cry like little girls. We
cry like men.

RIVERS: So I just gotta come pick you up and it's all good?

JACKSON: Yeah, I knew you had to pick Volek up, so I figured it was on your

VOLEK: I don't care how tall he is, he doesn't get shotgun.

RIVERS: Shoot VJ, you know how many goshdarn carseats I gotta move now?

JACKSON: Sorry, man. Just help a brother out one time, please?

RIVERS: Okay, okay. We'll be down there just as fast as this old '96
Caravan'll carry us, so y'all just sit tight.

JACKSON: Thanks Philip, you're the best. I promise I won't bounce a ball off
my leg for an interception today.


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