Vince McMahon Creates "Tail For Sale" For Vacated Diva Title (Humor)

Kenneth FinkContributor IJanuary 15, 2010

 Vince McMahon issued a press release today in New York City stating that in an attempt to give the WWE Universe what it truly wants he has created the "Tail for Sale" initiative to determine which WWE Diva will become the holder of the vacated Diva's Championship. McMahon claimed that a downward economic market and recent competition from other wrestling organazations is what made this drastic measure necessary for the sake of keeping the WWE fan base both intact and happy with the WWE product. Below you will find a copy of the release given to the press after his announcement.


 WWE "Tail for Sale"               by Vince McMahon, WWE Chairman

 Due to an injury to WWE Diva's Champion Melina and a poorly executed and designed tournament to determine a rightful holder I have put into action immediatly this new initiative to determine a new Divas champion. The entire WWE Diva's roster will participate in this program.

Starting at midnight tonight the WWE Universe fans around the world will be able to purchase and or bid on an almost limitless variety of items from each and every WWE Diva on our new website wwe/tail4sale/.net.  On this page you will find that each WWE Diva has an "account" that will keep a running total of all sales from the fans purchases around the world. The "accounts" will remain in effect for the next 14 days, at which time the highest grossing Diva will be awarded the Diva's Championship.

    Below you will find some of the items the Diva's will make available when our site goes live tonight put together by our creative team. There where no restrictions in what each Diva did or did not make available. For this reason only those who are 18 years or older and have credit card authorazation will be able to visit the site and make purchases. I encourage every WWE Diva fan to take the time to go through each Diva's individual page to see what she has put together to try and win the Diva title.

The Diva's will have items for immediate purchase and some items up for bidding. (Remember this is a running total for the Diva's so each penny counts) Also some of the Diva's may be streaming live at various times on their page and will be taking suggestions from the fans as well. 

 It is my sincere hope that this new initiative will re-energize the fans and help push our WWE Diva's into bigger and better things in the future. I thank you and all of the WWE Diva's thank you as well.

 Enjoy, Vince McMahon


Per Mr. McMahon's request below is a preliminary list of what will be offered from each WWE Diva beginning at midnight tonight. Those who are under the age of 18 will not be able to access the site, however items that are child appropriate will be made available for purchase to WWE Universe parents. Also, the WWE wants readers to know that no fee's will be charged during the age verification process. Judging by this list, the new website is bound to be very busy for the next 14 days. In this writers opinion this is a gigantic step back into the formerly known "Attitude Era" that we thought the WWE had tried to move away from. But when push comes to shove, the age old saying always remains true; "Sex Sells".


Autographed pictures for every age group, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17, and XXX. (Multiple Prices)

A Date with a Diva at a location of your choosing. (Bid)

Lady's Shaver Testing, winner will accompany 3 Diva's of your choice to the Lady's Shaver smoothness test. Winner will check all three Diva's for smoothness and reduction of stubble. (Bid)

Be a WWE Valet for a PPV event of your choice, including taking a Diva to the ring, meet and greet backstage, and having a front row seat for event. (Bid)

Make a Diva your "Pretty Woman", go to the store of your choice and the Diva will try on any item of clothing that you want, including one outfit she will wear live on TV. (Note, that any further movie dialogue is entirely up to the Diva) (Bid)

Join the WWE Creative team in designing the first Women's Elimination Chamber match including it's participants. (Bid)

A Diva downloadable video of an X-Rated lap dance with a fellow Diva of your choice. (Bid)

Join the Diva on a Playboy photo shoot, including the choosing of which photo will be the centerfold. (Bid)

Take the Diva Trampoline testing, winner will choose a Diva to join him at Trampoline Worlds testing facility to determine which trampoline offers the best bounce. (Bid)

***This editor would like to know what your bid would be, hope you enjoyed my trip into complete unreality.