The World's Best Names: Trying (Lamely) To Relate Sports To Haiti

In an attempt to get some focus on the humanitarian disaster that is happening in Haiti right now, I am going to post a semi-sports-related article here to help out however I (we) can.

Maybe this is not applicable, or even in questionable taste given the awful situation in Haiti at this moment, but I will take the heat, if just so that we can get a few, to a dozen, to several dozen, to hundreds of people on Bleacher Report to donate money to the relief efforts.

Now that you have made it this far through the article, go ahead and donate $10 to the relief efforts to the Red Cross by texting "HAITI" to "90999."

Now for a rather weak attempt to apply the small, poverty-stricken country to sports to make it relevant on b/r.

Perhaps Haiti's greatest contribution to the world of sport is the amazingly creative and original names that Haitians give their children.

I was first exposed to the wonderfully imaginative world of Haitian names when I was younger and Olden Polynice came upon the NBA scene. While it is easy to just accept Olden's name because we are so used to it, just think about it again and let its smooth island flow pour over you.

How about texting "HAITI" to "90999" now in honor of Olden?

A few current NFL players who have recently come on the scene are Pierre Garcon and Elvis Dumervil. You cannot say that the first time you heard Garcon's name you almost couldn't believe how perfect it was. Elvis Dumervil is just as perfect. You couldn't make up better names from scratch if you had a week to do it.

Other great NFL Haitian names are Rashad Jeanty (say that out loud), Jonathan Vilma, and probably the best name of all of the ones listed here, Gosder Cherilus. Gosder. Cherilus. I say that to myself repeatedly just for fun. If there was a character in a movie named Gosder Cherilus, you would say, "Come on. That's so fake."

On behalf of Gosder and his NFL brethren, maybe text "HAITI" to "90999?"

The Haitian influence has even hit the NHL with enforcer Georges Laraque, whose parents are both from Haiti. While this name seems more French Canadian than Haitian, I thought it was interesting to see that there is even a player of Haitian decent in the NHL.

To show how impressed you are with Laraque's long road from Haiti to the NHL, it might be a good time to text "HAITI" to "90999."

Perhaps the highest-profile Haitian-born player to come to the forefront after this disaster is Sixers player Samuel Dalembert. Dalembert has been repeatedly increasing his donations to the cause and is now well into six figures in an attempt to help his homeland as much as he can.

If Dalembert can donate hundreds of thousands, surely you can donate $10 by texting  "HAITI" to "90999," right?

Other professional athletes of Haitian decent with what I would consider A+ names are:

Josmer Altidore, soccer
Dudley Dorival, hurdler
Quincy Douby, NBA
Shad Gaspard, wrestler
Jerrod Laventure, soccer
Vernand Morency, NFL
Olivier Occean, soccer
Bruny Surin, hurdler

Now, if you can imagine what each of these people are going through, just trying to find their friends and family back in Haiti, I would hope you can try to help, even a little bit, by texting "HAITI" to "90999."

I understand that this is a pretty "empty" article, and that there is no real substance here. However, I would suggest that, in actuality, it is the most important article I will ever write.

Hopefully everyone can look past the premise here and just help a tiny, poor island nation that had a humanitarian crisis even before this earthquake hit and basically leveled the entire country.

I would love if everyone who reads this and then does at least donate $10 to the Red Cross would post a "Comment" below. 

Let's see how much help the Bleacher Report community can provide. 

It won't be anywhere near enough, but it may help find one person buried in the rubble or provide one dose of meds to an injured child, and then it might save one life. If so, that would make this stupid article the most important one I will ever write.

Thank you to everyone who donates.