Scoop of the Century: An Interview with Blake Griffin's Knee

It was a long shot, but I was willing to try. I take my role as Featured Columnist for the Los Angeles Clippers very seriously, and when news that Blake Griffin's season was lost due to injury, I knew what I had to do. I was on a mission. I would get the straight scoop from the horse's mouth!

Sure, others have already interviewed Clipper coach Mike Dunleavy. It seems every NBA player with a pulse was asked for his reaction to Griffin's injury. Even Griffin himself was interviewed. Until now however no one was able to secure the only interview that really mattered.

That's right, Clipper fans, I was able to secure an interview with Blake Griffin's knee.

I didn't get as much time as I would have liked and security was understandably high. I was pleased to know that no restrictions would be placed on my interview; I was free to ask whatever I wanted. So I did.

I arrived at Playa Vista where the Clippers practice at 5:43 a.m. sharp with coffee and a croissant. I waited out front when I heard someone call out to me. I was led to the back and into an alley by a large bald man in a Clipper jersey. He took one too many glances at my croissant. I didn't like him very much.

He knocked on a door marked "Do not enter under ANY circumstances—this means YOU!" I think the order of his knocks may have been a code, but I can't be sure. The door opened, very slowly, but without that creepy squeaking noise.

I was led in to a very long hallway. Clipper pictures and memorabilia lined the walls. The hallway was lit, but barely. I finished my coffee and croissant and tossed the remains in a trashcan. I looked back to see the large bald guy sliding his hand in the trash. Eww.

"Bleacher Report guy!" came the booming voice from a room to my right. I turned and was motioned to enter. "Have a seat," the man whose face I couldn't make out said to me. I sat.

"You will get five minutes, not a second longer"

I nodded and he left.

The chair in front of me was empty.

I sat there, my feet stomping nervously, for what seemed like 30 minutes. Then, a door on the other side of me which I didn't even know was there opened. The knee came in and sat down.

I stood up and reached out my hand.

Ugh, I felt so stupid.

"Its ok man, happens to me all the time.  Don't worry.  I'm a knee, no hands"

We both laughed. The interview began.

B/R: Well, let's start at the beginning.  You were hurt on Griffin's dunk in the preseason.  Did you realize the severity of your injury at that time?

BG Knee: Nah, I mean Griff has always been pretty hard on me, but I'm tough.  A bruise here and bang there, it never mattered to me. I felt a little burn but I didn't realize I was broken right away no.

B/R: When did you realize this was a big deal then?

BG Knee: Next day, man.  I looked in the mirror and I saw this crack.  I was like (expletive).  I knew right there and then. 

B/R: But you didn't see a crack the day it happened?

BG Knee: No.

B/R: Kind of like when a rock hits your windshield and you don't see anything right away but next day you have this long crack!

BG Knee: Huh?  Dude, I'm a knee and a star, I don't drive anywhere.

B/R: Um, OK sorry.  So, the rehab; It seemed like everything was going good, why opt for surgery now?

BG Knee: Well, I was feeling better for sure but I know how Griff relies on me on the court.  I wasn't ready to go hard and I knew it.  So, he got in a pool for some weird reason and I sent him a message.

B/R: Pain?

BG Knee: Mhm.  That's how me and Griff communicate, you know?

B/R: Are you optimistic about your recovery?

BG Knee: ...

B/R: Um, are you optimistic about your recovery?

BG Knee: Ya, I heard you the first time.  I mean ya, I'm good. Just a little freaked out, you know. Someone is going to, like, poke and prod me. I admit to freaking out a little. First time for me. But, I trust Griff and the doctors so I'll go with it.

B/R: L.A. is very excited to see you and Griff play. Have you heard any of the murmurs that your injury is directly related to a Clipper curse?

BG Knee: (Loud laughter for at least 45 seconds) Ya, look, I'm just a knee and even I know there is no such thing as a curse on the Clippers. It's all funny to me, man. The past is the past. I'll be good and then everyone will see how silly all that curse talk is.

B/R: Anything you want to tell your fans?

BG Knee: Just keep supporting the team you know? Eric Gordon's knees are good friends of mine, we hang out. They are psyched to be in the Slam Dunk In contest or whatever it's called. Support those knees cause they are pumped. DeAndre Jordan's knees too are crazy—wild hops. Just the whole team right now, support them all. Don't give up. Lots of good things happening in the off-season.  Matter of fact, I just hung up with the knee of one LeB...

Before he could finish that thought the lights were turned on. More lights than should ever be in a room; they blinded me. Someone turned on music, and it was loud. I heard a rush of footsteps and I was tackled to the ground. I wasn't sure what was happening so I just stayed down. It only took a few seconds before the room went dark and I was, once again, alone.

The door I came in opened and the large bald guy was there. He motioned for me to follow him. I did.

I was escorted out. The door shut behind me and I left.

I played back the tape of my conversation and am pretty sure he said "LeB..." at the end, but I can't be certain.  Either way, what a thrill to have scooped all of America! I am not one normally to pat myself in the back but self-accolades are due here. It was an honor to sit down next to the individual at the center of the hottest NBA story this week.

I hope you enjoyed the interview as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you.

Now, if I could only get some time with LeBron James' left elbow.