Humor

Why Professional Athletes Can't Have Regular Jobs (Funny Quotes)

COOPERSTOWN, NY - JULY 26:  Baseball icon Yogi Berra looks on at Clark Sports Center during the 2009  Baseball Hall of Fame induction ceremony on July 26, 2009 in Cooperstown, New York.  (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
Jim McIsaac/Getty Images
Chris SurovickContributor IJanuary 14, 2010
Yogi Berra's Deciples?
Yogi's language seemed to be sprinkled with funny phrases and convoluted logic.  It always seemed to make sense in a strange way.
The sporting world is populated with many athletes who make interesting use of the English language, not to mention the judgement that is demonstrated. Here are just a few gems.
WHY ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REGULAR JOBS:
1. Chicago Cubs ' outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me." 
2. New Orleans Saint s ' running back George Rogers, when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." 
3. Upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." 
4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
6. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."
7. Boxing promoter Dan Duva, on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
8. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks' left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
9. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

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