Lane Kiffin: Face of a Man You Can Trust (Satire)

Tony OwusuContributor IJanuary 13, 2010

LOS ANGELES, CA - JANUARY 13:  New head coach of the USC Trojans Lane Kiffin speaks to the media during a press conference at Heritage Hall January 13, 2010 in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)
Harry How/Getty Images


Just kidding, what an ass.  Did anyone see that performance? Amazing. Kiffin and USC held a press conference tonight announcing Kiffin as the new head coach of the Trojans. Kiffin asserted that the Tennessee fans that were hurling obscenities at his resignation press conference were doing so because he had done such a good job at Tennessee that they did not want to see him go.

Seven-6 record aside, I highly doubt that is why they were booing Kiffin. It probably had something to do with the fact that he was leaving after only one season on the job to join his third team in three years (he's the Jay-Z of college football, "On to the Next One").

The real story starts three years ago when the Raiders hired Kiffin as their head coach, making him the youngest head coach, 31, in the modern era of the league.

Fast forward past the 4-12 record to the end of the 2007 season when rumors were surfacing that Kiffin wanted to leave the Raiders for a college head coaching gig. Several months and many hilarious Al Davis news conferences later, he was out of the NFL (in true crazy Al Davis style, he was fired in the middle of the '08 season).

Fast-forward to his introductory news conference at Tennessee , where he proclaimed that he wasn't going to promise how many wins he would get with the Volunteers (turns out that number was seven) but he would be the hardest working coach in the country.

Fast-forward again to two days ago, when we find out what he was really working hard for—that cushy USC job that Pete Carroll just vacated.

By the way, if you would remember Carroll was rumored  to be looking at the Falcons job in early 2008, around the same time Kiffin was accused of looking to leave the Raiders for an unspecified college job.

So about 24 hours after Carroll conspicuously (read: has everything to do with the impending hammer that the NCAA is about to drop on the program) leaves the program, reports surface that Lane Kiffin will be his successor. You have to love college football.

While Kiffin has not been particularly successful at either of his head coaching jobs (5-15 with Raiders, 7-6 with Tennessee) he is a recruiting genius and at the college level, which is all you really need to be a great head coach. The class that he recruited at Tennessee this year was  one of the top-rated in the nation (two four star D-lineman have already  changed their minds ) and with USC's history and talent pool, he will likely continue to be successful in that part of the college game.

However, I sincerely hope Kiffin plans on staying at USC forever. Because with all the bridges he has burned on his way (back) to southern California, if he were to fail at USC, he would count himself lucky to be able to find work coaching on any level in any other part of the country.