DISCLAIMER: OK so maybe I don't know Michael Beasley. However, I think if people still wrote letters to each others he might be thinking something like this:
Dear Mr. Pat Riley,
It’s Michael Beasley, how are you?
I was watching ESPN this morning and must admit I was a little shocked. Apparently, you don’t like me that much. You have even given workouts to USC’s O.J. Mayo and Arizona’s Jerryd Bayless and entertained offers to trade down to give up the chance of selecting second in Thursday's NBA Draft.
I know that Dwayne Wade is in love with Mayo after working out with him but maybe you forgot to mention that I beat him in the NCAA tournament just a few months ago.
I don’t mean to be rude but has all that grease in your hair seeped into your brain?
I was a finalist for every award under the sun last year and would have swept them all if not for a certain Muppet-looking UNC forward.
I led my team to a victory against the previously undefeated and eventual National Champion Kansas Jayhawks in Bramlage Coliseum. The last time KSU beat Kansas at home, the current student body was not even born yet.
Rock Chalk That!
I had 23 double-doubles last year against a conference that geared its defenses specifically to stop me. Yeah, good luck with that.
Carmelo Anthony has 22 double-doubles, just FYI.
I scored 44 points in a loss to Baylor, but don’t call me just a scorer. I led my teams in blocks, steals, and had 300 more rebounds than my next teammate. When you add the fact I hit nearly 38% behind the arc, nearly 80% at the line and over 52% from the field I have an all-around game superior to last year’s Big XII sensation Kevin Durant.
Now I hear that I have an attitude problem.
So instead of picking the guy with the “attitude” problem, you want to draft the one whose one-year career with the Trojans now seems mired in scandal and fraudulent charity accounts.
Yeah, I see you’re really concerned about avoiding bad publicity Riles.
As for the media, they’d rather talk about how I’m shrinking than about my game. Sure the media guide lied; they always add height to every player! I never said I’d be your center, but I am tough physically and mentally to take the bumps and bruises of the NBA.
Let’s be honest: Alonzo Mourning is not getting any younger and Udonis Haslem is not exactly an NBA all-star. If you think you’re holding on to Shawn Marion forever, good luck.
Otherwise, you need someone to help put the pressure of the injury-plagued Wade and I'm your guy.
So I hope you come to your senses and draft me. If not, you better hope my team never plays yours because I will torch your team while Wade watches on the bench in his million-dollar three-piece suit.
So don’t call me, I’ll call you.