LeBron James to the Gators: Urban Nabs Another Huge Recruit (Satire)
Urban is neither leaving nor absent from the Gators. Instead, he is putting together the best recruiting class in the history of recruiting things. On the heels of an Army All-American recruiting beat-down that rivaled the Gators' 2010 Sugar Bowl, Urban has yet another bit of good news.
The coach may rest easy now following the announcement of his latest recruit, the Cleveland Cavaliers' LeBron James. LeBron declared his intention by having the Cavs wear blue and orange over the weekend.
James held a press conference following the Cavs win and spoke about the pending move. He was quoted saying, "Jordan did the same thing in his prime, except he's kind of an idiot. The guy was 6'6", that's a big strike zone."
"I'm not that stupid. Plus, baseball's boring as hell. Does anyone still watch that sport? Seriously, do any of you guys watch baseball?"
James' announcement initially dropped the Gators' recruiting rankings as he is listed as a zero-star recruit.
When asked about the rating, Harry Dunne of Rivals.com stated "Honestly, we never thought of [LeBron James] as a football player. I mean, he's been a pro basketball player for what...six or seven years now? We'll have to evaluate his strengths before ranking him, but expect an announcement later this week."
Regardless of the ranking, James is expected to excel on the football field as he is a 6'9", 265-pound freak of nature with breakaway speed and a 48" vertical leap. Upon hearing the news of the Gators' new TE/WR prospect, Saban reportedly crapped his pants and ran out of his office screaming.
The Gator Nation's latest blow to the state of Ohio might be the most damaging, as top economics experts believe the city of Cleveland will sink into oblivion without James. LeBron was the city's sole source of income for the last six years, and with no new interesting athletes in the Cleveland area, the city is likely doomed.
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