Tide Exploits Texas Weakness to Claim Title: Shock & Outrage Abound.
As the final seconds ticked off the clock in Pasadena, the Alabama Crimson Tide found itself in possession of the BCS National title and a whole boat load of criticism for having won it.
Apparently winning the BCS title is only going to be considered a worthwhile accomplishment if the winning team is comprised entirely of moderately athletic blind players from the Sun Belt Conference and the game features a last minute come from behind victory by the "blind guys" over a Hall of Fame team straight out of Canton Ohio.
Armed with the information that this game did not meet those criteria, we can begin to understand why the University of Alabama had so many critics claiming they were not worthy of the title.
Knocking off a defenseless or rather an "offense-less" Texas team, following Colt McCoy’s untimely exit, was just plain unfair. If Alabama had any sense of sportsmanship they would have immediately moved Terrence Cody to quarterback in order to re-establish a level playing field.
After all “You don’t mess with Texas when their starting quarterback is unable to compete and they are forced to play a true freshman without being properly prepared to do so and therefore may suffer from a lack of competitive ability that may or may not under such circumstances result in an outcome that could prove less favorable for Texas.” I’m not sure but I think that’s how that saying goes. I know it starts with “You don’t mess with.”
Alabama clearly deprived the longhorns of their right to achieve co-equal success and then took advantage of that deprivation to gain a victory over them. In 2010 that is just not acceptable and for that Alabama should be ashamed.This is America after all and in America we are all winners. Right?
If Alabama is ever to recover from the mess created by this despicable win over the crippled Longhorns they must act fast and implement some big changes.
I am no PR Guru, but I have compiled a list of changes I believe may help Alabama improve its image and earn the adoration of football fans throughout the nation.
1. Fire Nick Saban.
Nick Saban is too good to keep around. If given the opportunity, this bastard will have you playing for a National title every year and people hate that. Cut this guy loose today or he will only add fuel to this fire.
2. Stop playing so rough.
Believe it or not, the concept that football is a physically demanding game in which players sometimes get injured is new for many fans. Alabama must do everything possible to protect the opposing teams players from injury, especially their key players. No one likes a bully and hurting the other teams best players isn't going to win you any friends.
3. Get out of the SEC.
The SEC is too dominant and people hate dominance. Join the Mountain West conference where you can win all your games and not be hassled by the talk of a National title. People every where will say things like "If the Tide had gotten a shot they would have won it all" and "The BCS is a Joke". Sympathy is sometimes just as good as adoration.
4. Sweep the Bear Bryant stuff under the rug.
Most college football fans have no frame of reference that will allow them to understand what having a legendary coach like the "Bear" associated with your program really means. This lack of understanding is a hotbed for criticism and ill will. Immediately donate all Bryant related apparel to a poor African country. The media will love it and you will have the satisfaction of knowing there is a hounds-tooth clad tribe somewhere, trying to figure out what in the hell "Roll Tide" means.
5. Recruit a hyper religious QB.
Alabama needs a quarterback that can not only win games but quote scripture and throw for a ton of yards. I would suggest that Alabama implement a theology Q&A segment to the interviews of all QB prospects. The ability to cry on command and some cheer-leading experience would also be desirable in all future Tide signal callers.
6. Stop winning so damn much.
The greedy sons of bitches at Alabama have now won their 13th national title while some teams are still without even one. If Alabama really wants to win the hearts and minds of the nation's fans, they will stop winning and in the name of good sportsmanship allow someone else a shot at glory. Just imagine what a better world it would be if Boise State could finally hoist that crystal football they have been so unjustly denied.
If Alabama does not quickly admit that they caught a huge break in the Texas game and apologize profusely for taking advantage of Colt McCoy's inability to play, I fear they will be doomed to suffer a long string of top recruiting classes, national titles and general dislike by the rest of college football.
I hope they can live with themselves.
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