Ridiculousness = Money?

Sam SchleismanContributor IJanuary 8, 2010

No longer do I need to watch Comedy Central for a good laugh, ESPN will suffice. I have put together my power rankings of ESPN personalities that always bring a smile to my face when they appear on ESPN. Hopefully you feel the same.

25. Lou Holtz: I can respect anyone who gets paid for recycling old pre game speeches on College Gameday every Saturday.

24. John Clayton: Is there a collared shirt small enough to fit that neck? I think not.

23. Jonathan Coachman: No one knows how or when you got on SportsCenter but thank God you're gone.

22. Stuart Scott Van Pelt: With chemistry that rivals a college course, they never fail to bring up valid comments like, "Scottie Reynolds is just one of those players who seems like he has been in school for 8 years."

21. Trey Wingo: Is there anything he can't do? Womens college basketball? Funny thing is, that is his specialty.

20. Roger Cossack: Does ESPN REALLY need a legal analyst? The sad part is that he's reporting on someone new every other day.

19. Gene Wojciechowski: Who? Exactly. Every once in a blue moon ESPN will pull Wojciechowski out of the gutter and throw him on Around The Horn.

18. Randy Moss: I'm talking Kentucky Derby here.

17. Dick Vitale: The man, the legend, the Duke enthusiast: Dick Vitale.

16. Jackie MacMullen: Always depressing to see her filling in for someone who actually knows what they're doing (J.A. Adande).

15. Marcellus Wiley: A prime example of a person who's only criteria to be on television is solely his NFL experience.

14. Mark Schlereth: Schlereth thinks he's never been wrong while everyone else is sure he's never been right.

13. Chris Berman: Home Run Derby: Back back back back back back back back back back back. . .back back back back back back back caught.

12. Jim Rome: If your ridiculous enough that Frank Caliendo impersonates you (yes that includes you Charles Barkley and Bill Walton) you deserve to be on this list. I've wondered why your the only guy on ESPN who has his own show but after watching I know the answer: no one else can stand your pointless banter for thirty minutes.

11. Skip Bayless/Colin Cowherd: Both are overmatched by their female co hosts and have to resort to ridiculous statements such as: "The Chargers will not win the Super Bowl, they play by a beach which means they're soft. End of story."

10. Fran Fraschilla: Contained to the Big 12 but its usually a safe bet you'll see some sort of international basketball power ranking during one of his broadcasts.

9. Norman Chad: Single handily made Texas Hold 'Em what is is today. Always willing to draw comparisons of previous marriages to seven deuce off-suit.

8. Tony Reali: Stat Boy. You have no rhyme or reason to your scoring system but yet I tune in every day to see how many points you can justify taking away before the show even starts.

7. Pedro Gomez: Any reporter that can be assigned to one person for 5 years deserves to be on this list.

6. Ed Werder: Similar to Pedro Gomez. He must say the words "Reporting from Dallas, Ed Werder, ESPN" in his sleep. Ever since the departure of TO, sightings of Werder have been few and far between.

5. Barry Melrose: Mullet. Need I say anymore?

4. Dan LeBatard: BAM! Is there a court order that says this guy has to stay in Miami? (Roger Cossack would know). LeBatard will fill in on PTI in week, sometimes month long stints but yet can never leave the confines of South Beach.

3. Woody Paige: A staple of Around The Horn, no not Woody Paige, his chalkboard. It seems as though he is brought in just to stir things up among the panelists. His appearances on Around The Horn are highlighted when he reveals his NCAA March Madness bracket. Did I mention the bracket includes 256 teams?

2. Bill Walton: Refer to Jim Rome. The king of hyperbole is worth at least one quote a night that leaves everyone, including himself, speechless. Don't get him started on Westwood or he may never stop. "Has there ever been a player better than Detlef Schrempf?"

1. Kenny Mayne: I don't even know where to start. His stories make him seem better suited for a nuthouse, not the most popular sports channel ever. Although give him credit, he brought Tom Brady's three year shoulder injury to the forefront. He understands and maintains the perfect tradeoff between ridiculousness, comedy, and  the truth. For this I applaud him.