Mark Coury Nearly Leads Cornell Past Kansas (Satire)

The No. 1 ranked Kansas Jayhawks edged out a 71-66 win over the Cornell Big Red at Phog Allen Fieldhouse on Wednesday night, but Cornell forward Mark Coury would not go down without a show.

Coury, the senior super star for the Big Red, transferred from the University of Kentucky after starting every game during his sophomore season.

"Coach Gillispie obviously noticed my talents," Coury said after transferring. "But the first media timeout was usually the end of the game for me."

Coury's talents were certainly on full display Wednesday night. The 6'9" forward finished with 2 points, 7 rebounds, 2 assists, and 2 steals. That is called filling the stat sheet.

Kansas' Sheron Collins made the big plays to put the Big Red away in the final minute, but Coury's play did not go unnoticed by the opposing guard.

"To look at him in warmups you think 'Really? That guy is a super star?' But then you watch him play and you understand." said Collins after the game.

Growing up just outside of Detroit, Coury got used to being overlooked by more flashy players. He took it as motivation to keep working and developing.

"I consider myself the second Larry Bird," Coury said. "I'm not the fastest or most athletic, but my skills are really good. I know that I am an elite level basketball player."

Kansas coach Bill Self was impressed.

"He epitomizes the meaning of a star player," Self said while looking over the stat sheet. "He delivers in every situation and in every way."

Self went on to compare Coury to some of the NBA greats such as Karl Malone, Tim Duncan, and even Bill Walton. Anyone could see the resemblance of Walton in Coury.

Cornell coach Steve Donahue knows he has a special player on his hands.

"The guys I've had in the past that have been special, all would take over games at critical times," says Donahue of Coury. "That was my biggest question. Guess what? Mark answered it right from the bell. Even if he misses them, he's not afraid to miss them."

Coury refuses to take all of the credit and heaps loads of praise on his teammates.

"It's a lot like Lebron and the Cavs," Coury said. "When I am getting double and triple teamed these guys have to step up and make plays, and they do."

He might as well get used to the praise as it is likely to come for many more years in the NBA.

Disclaimer: This article is for humor; the quotes are not accurate.