In the latest and most shocking development for Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling, several suspiciously trustworthy ex-cons have reported that Bastion Booger has signed a long-term deal with TNA and will make his Impact! television debut shortly.
It is speculated that fans all around the globe will flock to the Impact Zone's next television taping to witness a monumental moment in professional wrestling.
Sources close to Vince McMahon, Chairman of the WWE, have said he is not too pleased with TNA's most recent signing.
"He was furious!" remarked Elliott Jackson Jr., a janitor whose tenure at Titan Tower is one week. "I ain't see how he reacted, but when I walked by his office last night, I just heard a lot of cussin' and stuff crashin' and whatnot. I guess he wasn't too happy 'bout it, no sir."
Fans will also be happy to hear that Dixie Carter is supposedly high on Bastion Booger and is rumored to have plans placing him in a high-profile feud involving the TNA World Heavyweight Championship, the TNA X-Division Championship, the Knockouts Championship, and a turkey club sandwich on rye bread.
It is unknown whether Bastion Booger is a honey or spicy mustard man.
Wrestling fans may best remember Bastion Booger from his stint in the WWF in 1993, where he engaged in several memorable five-star matches with Virgil and Bam Bam Bigelow.
His claim to wrestling superstardom, however, came with his pinfall victory over Owen Hart, featured on an episode of All-American Wrestling.
Bastion Booger was last seen on WWE television during the fifteenth anniversary of WWE RAW in December 2007, where he revealed that rising WWE main eventer Big Dick Johnson was his son.
The ratings for that segment reached a record 9.9 million viewers, which led to plans for Bastion to enter the hunt for the WWE Heavyweight Championship.
Before his signing with TNA, it was also speculated that Bastion Booger would become an inductee of the WWE's Hall of Fame Class of 2010, taking his rightful place next to fellow superstars such as Pete Rose, Koko B. Ware, and Nick Bockwinkel.
Vince McMahon was unavailable for comment regarding the signing of Bastion Booger, and officials from TNA remain tight-lipped about their recent acquisition.
Elliott Jackson, Jr., however, was more than willing to give his thoughts on the superstar's jump to the Orlando, Fla, promotion.
"Personally, I think it's great," Jackson replied with a smile. "TNA is all about action and Bastion Booger is full of it. I work for WWE, but I'd be a plumb fool to think that folks won't follow Booger to TNA. He where the money at, and TNA 'bout to make major bucks."
When asked for his thoughts on what the WWE could do to counter such a blockbuster acquisition, Jackson could only smile and shake his head.
"If I was Vince, I'd be peein' my pants righ' 'bout now."
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