The Sports Retorter: Sketch Suggestions for Charles Barkley on SNL

(Originally published on Phoenix.fanster.com )

I’ve never hid my affection, or is it an affliction, for Charles Barkley . I’ve been a huge Barkley fan since I was a kid growing up in Phoenix, I’ve even patterned my current look after him (think “Round Mound of Sit Down”). When I found out that he’d be hosting the Jan. 9 episode of Saturday Night Live, I couldn’t help but be excited.

For me, the first time Charles Barkley  hosted the show was “must see tv”. It was the start of the Show’s 19th season, Sept. 25, 1993, and Barkley had just come off a trip to the Finals with the Phoenix Suns. I was ten, owner of numerous Barkley jerseys, and had already deemed 34 my “lucky” number. I didn’t yet know the difference between John and Jim Belushi, and hadn’t seen the clock strike midnight since I was still in diapers but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to miss it.

I not only stayed up to watch every last sketch—without my parents knowledge—but also used the VCR to record the show (which is impressive because as a 10-year-old, I could program that but at 26 I still struggle with a my DVR).

Barkley played basketball against Barney, promoted his own Big and Tall store, learned about his softer side with Stuart Smalley, and Muggsy Bogues and played donkey basketball. Those sketches became iconic in my mind, right up there with Wayne’s World, Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood and Alec Baldwin’s “Schweddy Holiday Balls”.

In order to ensure that Barkley’s latest appearance lives up to my lofty expectations, I’ve decided to provide Lorne Michaels, Charles Barkley ,  and the Saturday Night Live staff a few sketch suggestions.

• Revised Nike “I’m not a role model” Commercial
• Barkley, Daly, and Bonds Athlete PR and Image Management