Arenas Finds Crossbow Outside Locker, Laughs Hysterically (Satire)

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Arenas Finds Crossbow Outside Locker, Laughs Hysterically (Satire)
Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

In what has become a running joke amongst the Washington Wizards, Gilbert Arenas found a crossbow outside his locker this morning. Arenas, unlike on-looking reporters, thought it was hilarious. 

"Ohh, you got me, Javaris (Crittenton)," Arenas said smiling. "Wait until he sees what I have for him."

Arenas then pulled out a bazooka from his locker to show reporters. 

"Now this is one spicy meatball," Arenas said. 

Arenas and Crittenton have been under scrutiny the last week for drawing guns on each other due to a debt. Arenas, however, has claimed it was just a joke when he left three guns outside the locker of Crittenton. 

"It's a long season, so if drawing artillery on one another keeps you loose, you have to do it," Arenas said. 

Caron Butler was seen loading an AK-47 outside his locker while Antawn Jamison was trying to figure out how his bow-and-arrow works.

"Why do you think this franchise used to be the Washington Bullets," Butler said cocking his rifle. "Shh, I have to go put this outside Fabricio's (Oberto) locker.  That guy doesn't know what's going on."

Unfortunately for one reporter who received an arrow to the arm, Jamison didn't quite figure out how to use the bow-and-arrow correctly even though he got a shot off.

"My bad," Jamison said. "At North Carolina they only taught us how to use handguns."

Jamison, however, did say he felt looser after firing the bow-and-arrow.  

The Wizards may need a new tradition as they are 10-21 on the season.  

"Knives were too bloody, cockfighting was too messy, and Mike Vick basically shut the door on dogfighting for the rest of the world. Thanks a lot, U.S. Supreme Court," Arenas said. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go work on my shot."

Reporters evacuated the locker room not knowing what shot Arenas was referring to.

Members of the media have become afraid to venture into the Wizard's locker room thinking a planned hit may be put on them.

"For some reason, representatives from every conference, except for the ACC, keep inviting me to meet in the Wizard's locker room," ESPN analyst Dick Vitale said. "I'm not blind...well actually, I am, but just in my one glass eye."

Unfortunately, no idiotic bias reporters were injured while covering this story.

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