Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? The Jim Zorn Story

In an act of full disclosure, I must first admit that in my survivor pool the remaining opponents had the Broncos and Chargers. With the Redskins clinging to a 17-16 lead against the Chargers backups, I knew a "prison raping" was in the cards. Something along the lines of a kickoff return for a touchdown, an errant Jason Campbell throw run back the other way for seven, etc. However, this ending was even more painful than I ever imagined.

With about four and a half minutes left, the Skins were facing a third and one from the Chargers three yard line. With nothing to lose other than a potential higher draft choice, I assumed this would be the perfect time for the Redskins to go for it and slam the door shut against the Chargers second unit! Even if they got stuffed, the Chargers reserves would have to start a drive from the shadows of their own endzone. Furthermore, with a head coach who has effectively been fired since week 8 and a team with sporting a grand total of four wins, what was there to lose?

Enter Jim Zorn. If nothing else, Jim Zorn is consistent. Rather than grow a pair, coach Zorn (not sure if that title still applies), decided to go for the field goal. If this was a game of even minor significance I would understand the decision. With the Redskins sporting a 4-11 record, there was absolutely no reason not to go for the touchdown in this situation. Hell, I would have preferred to see that ridiculous fake field goal play he ran against the Giants a few weeks ago. While that play failed miserably at least it made for humorous television.

At the moment the score flashed 20-16 Redskins, I knew it was time to assume the position. Thanks to old Jim, the Chargers would no doubt find a way to score a touchdown, if for no other reason than to destroy my shot at winning this knockout pool. True to form the Chargers methodically marched down the field behind the steady arm of Billy Volek. A couple of key third down conversions were made just to make sure this exercise in futility was properly drawn out. Finally with thirty five seconds left in the game the Chargers jumped ahead 23-20 and kicked me in the midsection for good measure.

After the kickoff was returned to the Redskins twenty two yard line, it became apparent that no matter what defense these guys were facing, they were not going to score. Finally, the moment of truth came when Jason Campbell threw a thirty yard duck that sailed out of bounds with no time left. Before the gun could even sound there was Jim Zorn at midfield looking to congratulate Norv Turner. While there is no record of what words were exchanged I assume it went something like this: "Norv great game you guys really showed heart coming back like that".  To which Norv promptly replied "Jim you dope, I did all I could to help you avoid further humiliation and you refused my help".