Tim Parent has an even better tribute;
My Pick of the Day !
George Carlin, a Tribute: Pucks Are for Urinals
George Denis Patrick Carlin has passed away. He was 71 years of age.
Carlin did stand-up comedy until the day he died. George had unwavering, critical opinions on most professional endeavors, including those in the world of sports. His rants on ice hockey and asides on college sports are tales of legend, but one of his (and his fan's) favorite routines was "Football vs Baseball".
It is second only to Abbott and Costello's "Who's on first ?" as baseball's best comedic ambassador to the non-sporting world.
Here is a link you can follow to his latest take on the subject.
Being an "old guy," I remember George Carlin and his early appearances on TV. I never was one to laugh out loud much, but Carlin's timeliness and irreverence always managed to elicit an uninhibited snort out of me.
I was an amateur subversive growing up, and I always grasped for things that would irritate my white-collar father and my Baptist-raised mother. George was my kind of guy: a white, middle class, pseudo revolutionary like me.
Mr. Carlin was born in Mahattan as an Irish Catholic. A high school drop-out and an Air Force wash-out, he became a radio DJ and did stand-up comedy with partner Jack Burns in the early '60s
George Carlin became a solo act in the mid 1960s and was a "suit-and-tie" comedian, endemic to the times.
As the decade wore on, Carlin's persona and stage material made a radical shift to the left, and he transformed into the "anti-establishment, tie-dyed hippie" comic, migrating from performing on The Ed Sullivan Show to The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson as a guest host, and on to host Saturday Night Live on it's maiden broadcast in 1975.
His most infamous routine "Seven Words That You Can Never Say on Television" and his follow-up "Filthy Words" landed Carlin in a Milwaukee jail and New York radio station WBAI FM in front of the Supreme Court for broadcasting "Filthy Words" uncensored, resulting in FCC control and censorship of the airways. Censorship that is still in control today.
Yep, George really was my kinda guy.
The beauty of Carlin was that success never blunted his acerbic view, his dark brand of humor, and his constant war with the psychology, syntax, religion, propriety, and the American way of life.
I give you..."Baseball vs Football" by George Carlin.
Baseball is different from any other sport, very different.
For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs.
In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do.
If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.
Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & Football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.
I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
Thanks George, baseball will miss you...dude.
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3 months ago
He was truly an amazing comedian. even someone MY AGE LJ, could appreciate his work. My dad let me listen to him when I was a kid (bad words and all) and I was deeply saddened to hear of his passing last night on Yahoo. But obviously he is in a much better place than here...guess someone wanted him more than us. R.I.P George
3 months ago
George Carlin was too much of a cynic for me to enjoy his comedy, although has baseball-football routine was decent.
from 3 months ago
What are you, a communist?
Thanks for the honesty Andrew...just never met anyone who didn't like George Carlin!
from 3 months ago
Neo-Con ... the antithesis of communist.
I ... am a socialist ... me, not him.
from 3 months ago
He was clever at times, but he got carried away with cynical stuff for me to enjoy him, particularly in his last decade.
I liked Richard Pryor a lot.
3 months ago
L.J.--you are a god! I know what an aquired taste Carlin was, and your article certainly portrayed him acurately. Let's hope he is safe at home!
3 months ago
Usually I wouldn't speak ill of the dead but since Carlin never had a problem crapping all over anyone he didn't agree with, what the hell. Later on in his life his standup was pretty much the same which is to say very funny and smart. Unlike liberal hacks like Bill Maher he was able to do a breadth of comedy, satirizing many different subjects, whereas his crude imitators simply do an hour of Bush jokes. Having said that the vast expansion of media enabled us to seen him in a personal, interview style format and he was exposed as a very bitter, mean-spirited, puerile man with a very miserable personality. He has said vile things about people who have faith in God, white people, people who don't support gay marriage, people with children...it goes on and on. I think much of it stems from the fact that he felt rejected those people early in his career and made it his life's mission to get back at them. He was a great comedian though and I wish his family well.
from 3 months ago
"He has said vile things about people who have faith in God, white people, people who don't support gay marriage, people with children"
personally i think all those people listed deserve to have some vile shit said about them from time to time, especially white people; excluding those with children i guess. Why should we give a pass to someone just because they believe in god? And those that are adamantly against gay marriage deserve to be reminded of their stupidity and ignorance on a daily basis........
As for his comedy, he was a brillaint social commentary who unfortunately became a little to senial and angry later in his career for my taste, but alot of that stems from what he saw going on in America. He grew up in a chaotic time when noone thought it could get worse than Nixon; then came Bush and an apathetic nation who could give a shit less about anyone else in the world. I think his anger was real, and was designed more to wake us up and realize that the path our country is headed down is one of destruction and ruin.......
from 3 months ago
Please, Rick! He was much funnier than was Madelyn Murray OHare.
from 3 months ago
Stop it ! Stop it right now !
from 3 months ago
He definitely had a liberal edge (especially at the end), but I think it's crystal clear that he ultimately didn't like ALL SORTS of people, or at least pretended so when doing his routines.
When reading "Brain Droppings" I remember a tangent where he unleashed on the sports world—first he attacked fans that by stuck by their teams through thick and thin, then attacked the owners of the franchises, the media, etc.
That's why his routines were so damn funny—he never held back and used all of his skill and wit to make observations about this world that some of us consider from time to time but are too ashamed to ever admit too. Politically speaking, I think he ended up with a very overly simplistic view of the world that was somewhat misguided...but that doesn't mean he wasn't friggin hilarious!
from 3 months ago
Z,
I think George ripped sports because we obsess over it, obsess over the minute details of it.
I think George just liked "watching" sports in the moment.
3 months ago
George Carlin never backed down from an issue. Never giving into pressure of parents and media. May Carlin Rest in Peace. There will never be another like him. Great article LJ
3 months ago
George Carlin was the truth; ugly or not. Good article LJ
from 3 months ago
I guess you're right spence. Lets agree that we'll shit all over blacks, gays, socialists, and tree huggers too while we're at it. Oh that probably wasn't what you had in mind right. I suppose it's only o.k. to demean people you disagree with on some issue you deem important. Get a life.
from 3 months ago
white boy !
from 3 months ago
Not sure what you're reading here, Rick. I didn't see any of that, but maybe it was in the comments...
Thanks for printing the article, and the heads-up about Tim Parent's article. Good to see the support of another writer--that's what this is all about. And Carlin is a comedian who is already missed, a visionary who changed society. And a stoner like I was for about twelve years of my life.
3 months ago
George Carlin was truely one of a kind, intelligent,outspoken, and a true believer in our right to free speech. He was the voice for many Americans who could not or would not say what they thought . He will be missed by many and remembered by all. I have to agree there will never be another like him.What a shame.
3 months ago
he was a great guy, and he'll be missed. great article and tribute
3 months ago
RIP George a great, smart comedian. Not afraid to be vicious, not afraid to say, sometimes shockingly whatever he thought..
And anyone writing here, whether they liked him or not, should salute him for standing up for our first amendment rights..
One more football line...
[as a marketing ploy for the death penalty, George proposes performing crucifixions during the weekly Monday Night Football half-time show]
George Carlin: Wouldn't you like to see Dan Dierdorf explain why the nails have to go in at a certain angle? .
from 3 months ago
THAT is a great line.
3 months ago
Great piece L.J.! Man, Carlin will be missed.
3 months ago
Man, Carlin was unbelievable! He will surely be missed by many!
3 months ago
R.I.P. I LEARNED A GOOD MANY LIFE LESSONS FROM GEORGE BEFORE I EVEN KNEW I NEEDED TO. SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT SOME THINGS ARE BEST UNSAID, BUT GEORGE MADE IT A POINT TO NOT ONLY SAY IT BUT DRAW A METAL PICTURE VIVID ENOUGH YOU THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR WEEKS MAYBE MONTHS OR YEARS AFTER. THANK YOU GEORGE, FOR THE PERSPECTIVE WE NEEDED IT. YOU WILL BE MISSED.
GEORGE
3 months ago
great article and tribute
3 months ago
We lost a brilliant counterculturist. This is a terrible blow to originality.
3 months ago
I to was saddened to hear of his passing. A true icon. And who the hell is Madelyn Murray OHare?
3 months ago
He was one of my favorite comedians... He appealed to a wide range of people. He is a legend. Although, I lean heavily towards the more "urban" comedians. He was one of my favorites. He will be missed big time... Thanks for the laughs Mr. Carlin.... life truly has no boundries.
3 months ago
Wow, great job. Just a kid when he was in his hey day, but used to listen to his tapes with my friends. He was awesome, anything was fair game for him and definately will be missed. RIP George, your memory lives on and definately think he's safe at home.
3 months ago
FOR YEARS HE WAS A GREAT COMEDIAN! AND NOW IN HEAVEN HE WILL STILL BE GREAT! I LAUGH EVRYTIME I SEE HIM ON THAT STAGE! HE SPOKE OF TRUTH IN AMERICA! HE WILL BE GREATLY MISSED! RIP GEORGE! KEEP GOD LAUGHING!
3 months ago
Thanks for the tribute LJ, to a truly great commedian. I had all of his early albums (I'm dating myself here big time) and he was a microcosm of the 70's drug culture. But he was a genuis with the english language. Thanks for sharing the baseball vs. football routine, probably my favorite of his. Spare hair is fair, spare hair can be rare, it's nothing weird, it's just a beard is hilarious too.
3 months ago
I think We lost a great counterculturalist. Man, George Carlin will be missed. Great piece L.J.!
3 months ago
Carlin was a genius. His stage routines are priceless and it was no act - he was really that funny!
One of my favorite Carlin stories come from when he was on a late-night talk show. Describing how his career paralleled that of Richard Pryor's...
"Richard and I broke into the business together. I did Sullivan, he did Sullivan. He did Carson, I did Carson. He made an album, I made an album. He made a movie, I made a movie. He had a heart attack, I had a heart attack. He set himself on fire, I said "F--k this, I'm having another heart attack!"
from 3 months ago
bwahahahhaha !
3 months ago
I can't find the exact transcript to properly tell this one, but hey- I'll do it anyway
Years back, Carlin was bashing women to the point where they began to protest him.
He agreed to address the National Organization for Women (NOW) and make amends.
He got to the podium and poured on the praise on how vital and important and misunderstood women were in society. He was getting a rousing applause from the throngs of women who came out to see him eat crow.
But, George had to be George...as the masses roared, he finished with this line (sic) "....now which one of you wants to take me home, bathe me, fix my dinner and give me a nice, slow blowjob?'
from 3 months ago
great story, that's Carlin for ya. The guy was never, ever at a loss for words and had a plan if he was.
3 months ago
Excellent piece LJ.
As one of the finest comedians of the century, George will be sorely missed. In all honesty however, he'd probably want us to make jokes about his death, not pay tributes to his life!
Despite that, I really don't give a flying F*** what George would think. So I'm gonna go ahead and re-print one my favorite George Carlin bits:
"You can talk about capital punishment all you want, but I don’t think you can leave everything up to the government. Citizens should be willing to take personal responsibility. Every now and then, you’ve got to do the right thing, and go out and kill someone on your own. I believe the killing of human beings is a function of government that needs to be privatized.
I say this because I believe most people know at least once other person they wish were dead. One other person whose death would make their life a little easier. A sexual rival; and abuser; a tormentor at school; a parent who’s been draining the family nest egg by lingering too long on life support. Don’t run from it.
So, I offer a plan: Legal Murder Once a Month
Under this plan, every thirty days each person in America will be allowed to kill one other person without incurring any punishment. One murder, per person, per month. But you can’t just kill anybody. It’s not random. Each month there will be a different type of person it’s ok to kill. For instance, one month it would be all right to kill a business associate. That month, kill anybody at work – no punishment. But you must have a good reason; none of this weak shit, “I caught him fucking my wife.” It has to be a good reason. Like “The guy is just a real asshole!” Kill-a-neighbor-day, a perfect way to settle an old score, and upgrade the neighborhood. And just to provide a little flexibility, a neighbor will be considered anyone who lives in your zip code.
You know, now that I think of it, it would probably make sense to have Wild-Card-Day. One day a year when everyone can go out and kill whomever the fuck they want. Many of us have long lists of specific, worthy targets who don’t fall into any of the established categories. Retail clerks, landlords, teachers, salesmen, telephone solicitors; the snotty blond bitch on the “Six o Clock News”? The guy who keeps braying “Thank God, no one was hurt”, every time someone so much as backs into a lamppost.
Now, let me quickly point out that my Legal Murder Once a Month plan has three strict rules: First, it isn’t cumulative, you can’t save up all your murders for a year and then go waltzing into McDonalds and spoil everyone’s Egg McMuffin. You get one murder a month, use it or lose it.
Rule #2: You can’t hire someone to do the murder for you. You have to do it yourself. And if you’re squeamish, take my word for it, you’ll get over that. There’s nothing to it. I, myself, have killed six people. All random, undetected, no traces back to me. And let me tell you, there’s nothing like it. It’s a great feeling. Yeah I know, you’re thinking “Aw, he’s a comedian. He’s just saying that stuff.” Good, that’s exactly what I want you to think.
Rule #3: You can’t kill your own offspring, it’s just off limits. OK? If they’re really that bad, they’ll piss someone else off, and that person will handle it for you.
For all you civic-minded dipshits, there’s nothing in the constitution to prevent any of this. The state doesn’t oppose murder, just people who go into business for themselves. Life is cheap, never forget it. Corporations make market decisions by weighing the cost of being sued for your death against the cost of making the product safer. Your life is a factor in cost effectiveness. Besides, my society taught me that murder is part of life. My species is really good at it. I belong to the only species in the history of the world that systematically tortures and murders it’s own members for pleasure, profit, and convenience.
See how easily we figured all that out."
RIP
from 3 months ago
I love that piece. irreverent. shoving our fascination with someone else's death back in our face.
3 months ago
L.J.,
Good stuff...I too enjoyed George. My favorite comedy bit was in 1994 (I think) when he was talking about the first war in the Gulf and how we are war like people. In the same special he talked about his airplane safety lecture and how dumb it was that they took the time to describe the intricate workings of a belt buckle.
That was a classic bit.
3 months ago
RIP George Carlin... You will be truly missed by all that were lucky enough to hear your stand-up or watch your movies.... even Jersey Girl...haha.
about 1 month ago
This was so sad. Me and my friends loved him.
from about 1 month ago
Yes, very sad.
from about 1 month ago
He'll be missed by those who knew and loved him
about 1 month ago
I was a big fan of Carlin. My wife never liked any comedian except she loved Carlin. We saw him several times on his gigs in San Francisco area.
I can see him messing with the folks up in Heaven where he surely is.
Norm C oleman
from about 1 month ago
Thanks Norm...Carlin is more likely in purgatory raising hell...more his kinda people.
about 1 month ago
L.J. -
Stopped by today, to learn some more about you.
Fortunately, I discovered your article on George Carlin.
What a beautifully done article, sir! I commend you!
Respectfully,
Tom S.
from about 1 month ago
Thanks Tom.
Check my Open Mic: What is a Sport...that's my favorite piece.
about 1 month ago
L.J. -
Evidently, great minds DO think alike! I was reading that very article,
at the moment you were suggesting I do so.
I liked it a lot!
Tom S.
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