Insight Bowl Almost Qualifies As a Substitute for Ambien
Ambien is one of the most common sleeping medications prescribed to patients in the United States.
It is used for the short-term treatment of insomnia and some brain disorders. Its hypnotic effects kick in quickly, causing patients to fall asleep within twenty minutes.
But who needs Ambien when the Insight Bowl can put someone to sleep in twelve minutes?
Watching a pair of 6-6 teams that rank no higher than 80th in most offensive categories is enough to quickly knock out a 300 pound UFC fighter on a 4-day meth binge.
With a 14-13 victory over the Minnesota Golden Gophers in the Insight Bowl on Thursday night, the Iowa State Cyclones recorded their first winning season since 2005.
Roughly 45,000 people attended this game. While the Iowa State side of Sun Devil Stadium is rumored have consumed all of the stadium's beer, most non-Cyclone fans were in a boredom-induced comatose by halftime.
ESPN's Big Ten blogger Adam Rittenberg may have said it best when he tweeted, "Minnesota and Iowa State are setting back offensive football a few decades today." He wasn't alone in his tweets, either.
"Whoever turns it over last wins insight bowl," typed Sport Illustrated 's Stewart Mandel.
Fans got in on the tweets, too. "This Insight Bowl is one of the worst one-point games ever," tweeted @oopspow .
That's no sarcastic joke, either. The two teams combined for six turnovers, with Iowa State quarterback Austin Arnaud accounting for four of those himself.
The Cyclones also committed eight penalties and gave up 434 yards to Minnesota.
Of course, the Gophers opted to not to do much with that yardage. Minnesota had seven drives reach Iowa State territory, yet only scored a touchdown and two field goals.
The sad thing about it is that this game was what most people were expecting from the announcement of the selections.
Almost every preview of this year's Insight Bowl pointed to the likely low-scoring outcome. No writer, blogger, or fanatic tweeter thought this game was going to be that entertaining.
So why did the Insight Bowl select two offensively anemic teams from the Midwest with 6-6 records to invite to this year's bowl? Was there no other, possibly stronger match-up available? Does anyone really get excited to watch a team that hasn't scored an offensive touchdown since November 7?
That may be the case in this year's bloated bowl schedule, where teams are allowed to come out of a bowl game with a losing record.
Next year brings hope back to the Insight Bowl, though, as they will be getting a much more desirable match-up by bringing in the No. 4 team in the Big 12 and either the Big Ten's fourth or fifth best team.
Until then, doctors around the country can save their sleeping disorder patients some money by prescribing a few minutes in front of a television with the 2009 Insight Bowl on.
By the end of the first quarter, the patient will be in a coma.
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