Are the Minnesota Vikings Half Empty or Half Full?

HALF EMPTY

Son of a...!

Every year, Adrian Peterson fumbles, and fumbles, and fumbles. And every year, Vikings players, coaches, the fans, and Peterson himself all say it's not that big of a concern, that he's getting better at protecting the ball. And every year, the problem grows, and grows, and grows, like a herpes sore on Paris Hilton.

Hold. On. To. The. Ball.

Doesn't he have the strongest handshake since Goliath? And yet he can't hang on to the *@%&# ball!? 

What a great time for the special teams to fall apart, too. When they're not giving up a 57-yard kick return (or 59-yard return, or a return that was only 31 yards because Johnny Knox slipped on the slick Soldier Field), they're letting an extra point get blocked, or Chris Kluwe is punting it into the end zone yet again. 

Nice performance, Anthony Herrera. Might as well have been a window drape with all the resistance he gave Tommie Harris. Herrera's been taking pointers from Steve Hutchinson and Bryant McKinnie, obviously. Excuse me a second; I'm going to go see who made the Pro Bowl this year. Get the....

Hutchinson and McKinnie being Pro Bowlers this year is akin to Meryl Streep and Elizabeth Taylor being in this year's Miss America pageant.

Actually, Taylor could win that contest, with her seductive smile and Einstein hair and a body the size of a Ford Explorer.

Oh, Elizabeth...why did we ever break up?

Antoine Winfield is either still injured, got old quick, or is not that good in coverage anymore. Devin Aromashodu beat Winfield like he was some peasant, some punk, some kind of Madieu Williams (who got run over by Jay Cutler).  

Right now, the Vikings secondary is giving Drew Brees, Donovan McNabb, Aaron Rodgers, Kurt Warner, and Tony Romo wet dreams.

Dirty, inhuman wet dreams.

Has anyone seen Jared Allen lately? Anybody? Bueller? Allen was there for the Packers games, padding stats and skewing how good he's actually been this year.

Last seven games? 14 tackles, three sacks.

At least he didn't miss his appearances on the Jim Rome show.

Isn't Jared crazy?! He's so different!

Different like an overrated, self-promoting fox.

And to top it all off, to put a nice arsenic-filled cherry on top of this cake crawling with cockroaches, owner Zygi Wilf gave head coach Brad Childress a contract extension weeks before the "Chiller" reminded us all what a chest-puffing simpleton he can be.

Two weeks ago, this team was the clear-cut No. 2 seed in the NFC, with a considerable chance at having home-field advantage throughout the playoffs. And Brittany Murphy was alive.

Eerie, isn't it?

Then again...

HALF FULL

It wasn't like the refs helped the Vikings much that last game: Several illegal blocks happened on the aforementioned kick returns, weak penalties on Asher Allen and Jasper Brinkley, a pass interference no-call after Charles Tillman pushed Sidney Rice in the back before the ball got there, and two Bears defenders grabbing Peterson's facemask on that fumble.

But it's hard to blame the refs when you give up 37 points to these Chicago Bears....

Regarding Rice, though...holy peaches. There is nothing more that can be said. Holy peaches.

It was good to see Percy Harvin contributing again. It was good to see that Bernard Berrian has regained his legs, his speed.

Berrian's drop on the opening drive of the second half—on 3rd-and-9, when he was wide open and probably would have scored a touchdown—was not good to see...

The Vikings were still able to comeback, though. 30 points in a half, big catches and plays from practically every skill player on offense, a considerably more invigorated offensive line, and Brett Favre. Brett Favre. Brett Favre.

Maybe he can still sling it in the cold.

But it's hard to get excited about scoring 30 points and losing to these Chicago Bears....

Also, a big thing to consider going into the playoffs is that there is no reliable defense in the NFC, no sure thing, no '08 Pittsburgh. or '00 Ravens. Same thing goes for the AFC, by the by. Defense is going the way of the dodo in this league.

Which defense should the Vikings offense—the one circa the second half of that Bears game, not the first half—fear?

The Saints? Right now, the Saints—with their struggling offensive line and disintegrating defense—are probably the best matchup for the Vikings.

The Eagles? After they just gave up 27 to Denver?

Sure, the Eagles and Saints have playmakers (the Eagles more so), but they're both very susceptible to giving up big plays and big points. Their offenses usually make up for that, though.

Green Bay's defense is statistically the best in the playoffs. But didn't they just give up 500 passing yards and 37 points and a last-second touchdown to Pittsburgh? Doesn't Jarrett Bush play entirely too much for them?  

Dallas might have a defense worth worrying about, especially after their performance in New Orleans. But the Cowboys haven't scored more than 24 points in eight games, so it's hard to be too worried about them.

Arizona, on the other hand, has a defense and offense worth worrying about. With a secondary filled with playmakers, Darnell Dockett and Karlos Dansby, the Cardinals defense is capable of taking over and dominating any game. And everyone knows what the offense is capable of.

But, from week to week, it's still unsure which Cardinals team will show up. The one that squeaked by Detroit? The one that got beat up by San Francisco? Or the one that took the Vikings to the woodshed?

Oh, there's just one more thing: Adrian looks mad. That is...that is good.

Get mad, Adrian. Be mad. Run mad.

And. Hold. On. To. The. Ball.

CONCLUSION

Who the bleep knows. 

Pack it in, Giants.  

Go Cowboys.