Juiceboxing 101: My 2010 Un-Wishlist
With the New Year approaching, it seems everyone’s been writing out their MMA-related wishlists online. While I have many a dream myself, I thought I’d go the other route and write about things I really don’t want to see in 2010.
So if you’re done hiding the Affliction shirts your uninformed grandmother bought you for Christmas, come get Juicy with me.
Gray Maynard/Frankie Edgar as Main-Eventers
The fact that both of these guys are becoming top contenders to BJ Penn’s UFC Lightweight title scares me as a viewer. It’s not like either of them have been tearing through top competition. Penn has basically cleaned out the division and these are two guys he hasn’t destroyed yet.
Seriously, I don’t care how crisp Edgar’s boxing has become, or how awesome Maynard’s tramp stamp is. I don’t want to look at it smothering someone for 15 minutes.
It’s almost enough to make me wish for Penn to jump back up in weight.
Georges St. Pierre vs. Dan Hardy
I feel like this is a waste of time. Of course, it builds up GSP’s title reign and legacy but come on.
I’ve seen upsets before and I don’t count anyone out of any fight. But this is as close to a sure-thing as it gets. GSP is going to put a business-like beatdown on this guy, and it will surprise nobody.
Maybe we’re just going through a rough patch of decisions on UFC PPV’s, but it’s not something that needs to continue. Controversy is inevitable and even interesting sometimes, but if bad refereeing becomes a constant occurrence, in any sport, it taints the game.
And tainting the game is not cool.
Another Knockout Loss for Wanderlei Silva
Whether he’s rape-choking Keith Jardine or getting his unconscious body pummeled into the mat by Dan Henderson, Wandy doesn’t mess around. Even when he’s the one taking the shot, he does so in the most brutal fashion imaginable.
As a huge Wanderlei fan, I can’t stand to see this happen too many times. No one should ever drive home from Hooters in a bad mood, stuck at a red light, mumbling to themselves about “clinched knees” and “soccer kicks.”
Fedor Emelianenko vs. Fabricio Werdum
This one is just as silly as that Dan Hardy thing I was writing about. We all know what happens in this one.
Fedor’s like Tiger Woods. You can’t get near him anymore. And if you do, you’re screwed.
A Deaf Guy with Pools of Blood in His Eyes
I’m forever calling 12-6 elbows “Bones” now.
Immediately after I made a jerk remark about Jon Jones beating Matt Hamill “senseless,” the camera zoomed in on the blood pooling into Hamill’s eyes. I immediately regretted the comment, not only because it was crude and unfunny, but because I started feeling bad for the guy.
I’d rather not see something like that in 2010, or ever.
What Do You Call a Guy With No Arms and No Legs in an MMA Cage?
A bad idea.
It’s not inspirational. It’s senseless. Just accepting to fight someone was good enough for me, dude. I think the world of you. I'm just worried, that's all.
Please find something else to do that will prove your mettle, if that’s what you feel you need to do.
False Media Reports
2009 was not a good year to be a celebrity. The list of dead celebs includes Michael Jackson, Brittany Murphy, Farah Fawcett, Billy Mays, DJ AM, Ed Sullivan, and Kimo Leopaldo.
Well, maybe not that last one.
Kimo is alive and well, and as MMA fans, we’re all a little embarrassed over the whole story. False news reports are far too abundant in the MMA community, and stories like that directly affect those people and their families.
There are plenty of other things I don’t want to see in 2010, such as Stephen Quadros, Chuck Liddell dancing, and Randy Couture’s ears. Regardless, I’ll be right there watching, and right here complaining.
Bring your umbrellas, folks. It’s going to be a juicy ride.
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