Hock's Take: NFL Power Rankings Week 16

Matthew HockingCorrespondent IDecember 22, 2009

HOUSTON - DECEMBER 13:  A Houston Texans cheerleader performs in a Santa Claus suit during the game against the Seattle Seahawks at Reliant Stadium on December 13, 2009 in Houston, Texas.  (Photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images)
Bob Levey/Getty Images

It’s a holiday tradition for the Hock Show, and now I bring it to you. This week’s NFL Power Rankings presented to you (very, very loosely) in verse:

1. Indianapolis Colts
Last Week: 2
The Colts win again,
And off they go,
Not much left to stop them,
From going 16-0.

2. New Orleans Saints
Last Week: 1
Injuries are mounting,
Half the defense is down,
Not good news,
With the Playoffs around.

3. San Diego Chargers
Last Week: 4
They continue to ride Rivers,
And LT’s suddenly healthy,
With Gates, Sproles and Jackson,
The Chargers seem wealthy.

4. Philadelphia Eagles
Last Week: 5
The offense is great,
The defense is coming around,
It seems like these Eagles,
Have finally left the ground.

5. Minnesota Vikings
Last Week: 3
They left Carolina,
Without putting up a fight,
Best news of this season?
No more games on Sunday night.

6. Dallas Cowboys
Last Week: 10
Great win for them, yeah,
But talk about a kicking curse,
How do you replace Nick Folk,
With somebody even worse?!

7. New England Patriots
Last Week: 8
Randy Moss stepped to the mic,
“Put the weight of the world on me,
 Then I will finally have a reason,
For being so damn lazy!”

8. Green Bay Packers
Last Week: 6
Gimmick defense ahoy!
This will confuse the other team!
Wait…Touchdown Mike Wallace,
Guess it’s time to drop that scheme.

9. Cincinnati Bengals
Last Week: 7
They bore a great weight,
And gave it their all,
Nothing bad to say this week,
It’s just football.

10. Arizona Cardinals
Last Week: 9
Another NFC West title,
Is down in the books,
It’s time to play Leinart,
And see how he looks.

11. New York Giants
Last Week: 14
Domination? Well yeah,
But look who they faced,
Playing your best game now,
Seems like a waste.

12. Baltimore Ravens
Last Week: 13
Another Ravens win,
One step closer to clinching,
First to the Wild Card,
And hope the Bengals keep flinching.

13. Denver Broncos
Last Week: 11
The mighty have fallen,
From their nigh perfect start,
Losing to Oakland,
Isn’t just another brainfart.

14. Pittsburgh Steelers
Last Week: 16
Now the season is saved,
Steelers fans cry,
But it will take a lot of luck,
And your well might be dry.

15. Miami Dolphins
Last Week: 11
From triumph to tragedy,
In just a few ticks,
They did the hard work,
But lost by a kick.

16. New York Jets
Last Week: 14
The Jets led by four,
Through most of the game,
But one Atlanta touchdown,
Led to more of the same.

17. Tennessee Titans
Last Week: 17
Too little too late,
The Titans top the Fins,
They’ll still be outside,
When the Playoffs begin.

18. San Francisco 49ers
Last Week: 16
Another loss and now nothing,
Just like every year recent,
But hey one good offseason,
And they might finally be decent!

19. Atlanta Falcons
Last Week: 18
Matt Ryan escapes with a win,
Thanks to some fourth quarter magic,
Too late to save the season,
Which is really just tragic.

20. Jacksonville Jaguars
Last Week: 19
They gave it their all,
But their all wasn’t enough,
They’re a movie about a cage fighter,
Staring Shia Laboeuf.

21. Houston Texans
Last Week: 22
A win and a loss,
Is all that it would take,
For my prediction to come true,
They’d be 8-8!

22. Carolina Panthers
Last Week: 25
Steve Smith loves the Vikings,
It’s always his best day,
And how about Julius Peppers,
Finally (not really) earning his pay?

23. Chicago Bears
Last Week: 20
Oh Cutler, Oh Cutler,
How did we know?
Oh Cutler, Oh Cutler,
You’d play even worse in the snow?

24. Seattle Seahawks
Last Week: 23
Turned down by Holmgren,
Burned the Bucs,
Cliff Lee already wants out,
Poor Seattle just sucks.

25. Buffalo Bills
Last Week: 24
Even with Moss actually playing,
They had a chance to win,
But when it comes to beating Brady,
They don’t know where to begin.

26. Oakland Raiders
Last Week: 29
A shocking swerve, indeed,
JaMarcus returns to the field,
The Raiders can actually win,
When they keep him concealed.

27. Cleveland Browns
Last Week: 30
Ha! The Browns win a shootout?
Sorry, don’t mean to be glib,
Too bad their whole offense,
Is still Joshua Cribbs.

28. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Last Week: 32
Another win vaults Tampa,
Out of the top spot in the Draft,
Somewhere in St. Louis,
The Rams officials laughed.

29. Detroit Lions
Last Week: 29
Somewhere in Detroit,
A frail, stray dog howls at the moon,
Not because he is hungry,
He wants the Lions season to end soon.

30. Washington Redskins
Last Week: 28
After seeing this week’s effort,
Shanahan probably already quit,
There’s nothing here to be polished,
With just moxy and spit.

31. Kansas City Chiefs
Last Week: 30
Somehow the Chiefs lost a battle,
To a team even worse than them,
Todd Haley’s face says it all,
Arrowhead should be condemned.

32. Saint Louis Rams
Last Week: 31
And then there’s the Rams,
Locked in a season of woe,
With the first pick they select,
Anybody but Tim Tebow.


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