Mike Holmgren Radio Interview: Please Don't Make Me Go To Cleveland!

It is becoming more and more apparent that Mike Holmgren will wind up in Cleveland in some capacity.

What capacity that is still remains a mystery.

Holmgren revealed on his weekly radio show in Seattle that the Cleveland Browns owner Randy Lerner has offered him a post with the team.

He also stated that the job offer is not limited to just a front office position, but would include a coaching position if he chooses.

What was most striking from his comments was that despite the Browns interest, he remained more interested in Seattle if they would take him.

It sounded sort of like Seattle was the girlfriend that doesn't love him anymore. "I swear… once I walk out that door it's over...I mean it....last chance...I'm really gonna go...."

It was rumored that Holmgren was going to use his radio show to give everyone the straight story on his future plans. Instead, he left the listener with more questions than answers.

Holmgren was all over the map.

"I want to coach...It's not fair to fire a coach after one year...I could just be the GM/President...I could be both...I think Mangini is a great coach."

It was just one big circular argument.

But if you have followed football long enough, it is not really difficult to follow “coach-speak.”

So for you Mike Holmgren fans, I will do my best to interpret Mike Holmgren’s radio interview as he allegedly laid it on the line.

Holmgren: “I'd love to be considered for a position with the Seahawks. I devoted 10 years of my life to try to make the franchise and the team good. I needed that year off, which I don't regret. But my family's in Seattle. There'd be something really special about being able to do something with the organization again.”

What he really means: "I would rather be in Seattle. So if your listening Paul Allen, please call me!"

Holmgren: “Having said that, I'm a big boy."

What he really means: "Come oooooon….come ooooon!"

Holmgren: "Another team has contacted me besides the Browns."

What he really means: "Mr. Allen, there really are some other teams who might want me. Mr. Lerner, open up your pocket book."

Holmgren: "It's [the Browns] a pretty wonderful opportunity for anybody. Exactly how the setup will be regarding me, that's something I'm still thinking about, and it's my obligation to let the Browns know what I'm thinking that way."

What he really means: "Randy, I want total control if I take over that mess of an organization you have there. So you better pick me up from the airport in a Brinks truck full of cash.”

Holmgren: "It'd be really unfair for me to talk too much about that other than the fact that I like Eric Mangini. I think he's a good coach. He's a bright guy. He works very, very hard at his job and we have to see. Anytime you go in and are responsible for who that person is, in fairness to everybody, you better give everyone a chance.”

What he really means: "You seem like a really nice guy Eric. But let’s face it – I’m better than you."

Holmgren: "This is his first year in Cleveland. Bill Parcells did it in Miami after one year, had a coaching change [firing Cam Cameron after only one year]. But having been a coach for so many years, I'd be the first one to tell you that's not very fair. But sometimes the tough decisions aren't fair. But I'd do everything in my power to make sure it's the right one and that everyone gets a chance to prove himself."

What he really means: "If I do come to Cleveland, you better start looking for other work Eric."

Holmgren: "They think the world of him [Brady Quinn]. This much I know. If you're kind of juggling two guys [Quinn and Derek Anderson], it becomes very hard for both of them and at times hard for the team. I'd have to study and learn so much more about both those young men."

What he really means: "Randy Lerner would love for Brady Quinn to be the face of the franchise. I, on the other hand, do not think they have a quarterback on the roster."

Holmgren: "No one [from Seattle] has come to me or phoned me and said I couldn't be part of the process or wouldn't be. That's not to say that I will be part of the process."

What he really means: "Please! Please! Don’t make me go to Cleveland!"

Holmgren: "I'd like to work next year. There's still some time and we'll see."

What he really means: "Jesus Mr. Allen, don’t make me get down on my knees and beg!"

Holmgren: “We'd miss the kids and the grandkids, but she also knows I want to work again. She's my partner and so here we go."

What he really means: "I get the hint Seattle. You don’t want me here. Honey, call the movers. Man, is she going to be mad at me!"