1. To utter a plaintive, high-pitched, protracted sound, as in pain, fear, supplication, or complaint.
2. To complain or protest in a childish fashion.
That sounds about right.
From the playoff pundits, to the Heisman hijackers, to the black helicopter conspiracy theorists, no one can seem to find anything they like about this sport we all claim to love.
I've said for years that I'd like to have a playoff system to decide the national championship. I've even commented on this very site about it. But no more.
Everyone and their sister has a playoff system laid out that would, in their minds, make college football run like a well oiled machine.
Every article written about a playoff system has it's comments section turn into a urinating contest about how my playoff system makes more sense and yours is a big pile of crap. No one can agree.
Is it plus one? 4 teams? 8 or 16?
Then you get the old, "well division 2 has a playoff system, and it works pretty well", to add a little validity into the argument.
Well, guess what? The division 2 fans and teams are busy whining about either being seeded too low, or the fact that their team was left out.
Note these arguments playoff whiners, these are the ones you'll want to brush up on when we do get a playoff.
Let me just spoil your dreams for you. If the Bowl Alliance sucked, and the Bowl Coalition sucked, and the BCS sucks, you can pretty much guarantee that the playoff system will suck too.
Here's you a nice article about how the NCAA uses shady math to seed the teams.
Will it be a true national champion with shady math, and God forbid if your favorite team gets left out? Will you still cry Mythical National Champion then?
Doesn't Mythical sound cooler than True anyway?
Why not celebrate FBS/Division 1, for it's uniqueness? Instead of crying about the fact that everyone else has a playoff, so we should have one too, let's brag that we're fans of a sport that has the gumption to do it different.
Let us as college football fans, laugh at others feeble attempts to crown a champion. We can say, "well that is a championship trophy, but is it mythical?", or, " nice trophy, but ours is a mythical crystal ball that shoots lightning and can predict the weather."
And how about some better security at the Downtown Athletic Club? It's absurd to believe that they'd just let the 'Bama Nation hijack the award for Mark Ingram. The name chiseled off the trophy to put Ingram's name on it is still widely debated. Some say Suh, others say Gerhart.
What's harder to believe is the fact that people are so up in arms about an award that their guy didn't win, when they believe the award is tarnished to begin with.
Now the guy in the aluminum foil hat is telling me that the officiating rigged to keep the media darlings unbeaten. Some are just saying it's bad, period. Well it is, and it's bad in every other sport too. When we get some officiating crew busted ala NBA, then we'll talk, until then let's just keep screaming "Holding!" on every play like we always do.
Is it all that bad? The t.v. rating and popularity polls say it's not. Just maybe, the grass is not greener on the other side. We might just be living in college football's finest hour, and we're squandering it with petty arguments.
If you want to have a playoff so bad, drop down to the FCS and win a true national championship every year.
If the Heisman stinks so bad, and it's never awarded to the right guy,then get your local quarterback club to create an award and give it to whoever you want.
If the officiating is so bad, then become an official yourself, and make all the right calls.
Or we could just spend a little time talking about what makes this sport great, and look back on the reasons we fell in love with it in the first place.
In the end I'm left with visions of a child in a room filled with Apple Cups, Golden Eggs, Jeweled Shillelaghs, Little Brown Jugs, Kegs of Nails, and Victory Bells banging their Heisman and crystal football on the floor in a tear filled tantrum.
The haggard mother asks the child what could possibly be wrong, to which the child responds, "All the other kids have playoffs!". The mother responds with the fact that the child has all these other beautiful toys and how the other kids have nothing like them, to which the spoiled child screams,
"I WANT A PLAYOFF!"