(Morgantown, W. Va.) The athletic department administration of West Virginia University, wishing to remain nameless for obvious reasons, combined with the president of the university, also anonymous, to announce the school's charter membership in a newly-minted athletic conference.
"The ACT-17 Conference was formed as an alliance of institutions of...uh...higher learning left behind by the raid of the Big Ten Conference on the Big East," said a spokesperson for the Mountaineers. "The league carries the name ACT-17 because it used to take a score of 17 on the ACT to get into WVU. Now it's 21, I think, but the score may be lowered because of the recession."
The spokesperson, wearing buckskins and carrying a muzzle-loaded rifle, also added, "The Atlantic Coast Conference and the Southeastern Conference have in the recent past rebu-...rebu-...told us to take a hike because West Virginia's admission requirements and academic standards were not up to snuff."
The spokesperson paused to place a pinch between her cheek and gum.
"Looks like it'll be Pittsburgh or Rutgers or Syracuse next to be out of here," the spokesperson said. "We beat them on the field, but in the classroom, we can't hold their...their...uh..."
"Books," replied a reporter at the press meeting.
"Yeah. Books. Anyway, so far it is a conference of one, with East Carolina and Marshall in the works. We're checking on their eligibility. Don't ask me to spell that. Also, it is possible that the ACT-17 Conference could be a BCS conference and play for the national championship."
"If not," the spokesperson said after she spit in a Styrofoam cup, "we'll just beat them up and take their lunch money."