Caddy Kooks: Eating Raw Broccoli with a Ben and Jerry's Chaser

Larry SnarkvilleAnalyst IDecember 9, 2009

LUTZ, FL - APRIL 18:  Actor Bill Murray prepares to tee off on the first during the second round of the Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am at TPC Tampa Bay on April 18, 2009  in Lutz, Florida.  (Photo by Marc Serota/Getty Images)
Marc Serota/Getty Images

Spend as much time caddying as I have, and you're bound to meet some real characters (where does that put me?).

Here are some of them and their respective Hall of Famefeats: 

Snowball: large African-American caddy. He must have weighed well over 300 lbs. Wore one piece white, zip-up-the-front caddy bib, the size of an elephant tarp. 

Claim to Fame: fell over backwards on the director's chair he was sitting on, during a member's backswing on the first tee while yelling, "Oh, sh#@, oh sh#@, ohhhhhh sh#@@@@@!"

The Butcher: so named because his name in German translated as such.

Claim to Fame : hit one of his players in the noggin with the flag stick, gashing the guy's forehead.

Cowboy: another old schooler ala Snowball. Full-length, one-piece bib. Always wore a straw cowboy hat.

Claim to Fame: Could conjure up combinations of "mother-&@*#$" that would make Richard Pryor blush.

Jason: unemployed Ivy League graduate.

Claim to Fame: was convinced that club members were part of the Illuminati (secret sect supposedly behind every conspiracy known).

Andor: Hungarian national living illegally in the U.S.

Claim to Fame: spoke little English. Everyone and everything was a "dou#%$-bag." Boasted that he caddied while "going commando." Always seemed to get the best loops too. Interesting.

Jared: honor student graduate of Hobart.

Claim to Fame: Smoked "everything." Always. Had predetermined spots along the golf course where he could safely light up.

Winston: ex-high school track coach. Obsessed with German architecture.

Claim to Fame: would ride his bike 30 miles every morning from his apartment to the golf course. He'd stop on the way and buy raw broccoli heads and a pint of Ben and Jerry's chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. He'd allow the ice cream to melt before "drinking" it right before his loop. The broccoli he'd take with him to eat during the round (like an ice cream cone). Got the runs once going down number ten, ran into the woods to relieve himself, did the "clean up work" with his caddy towel. P.S. Told his players that he was "looking for golf balls back on ten."

And what about me, the Crazy Teacher? I'll leave the all too many stories for another post.