The Real Issue with Tiger Wood's Cubs

Shaun RouserContributor IDecember 7, 2009

SAN FRANCISCO - OCTOBER 07:  Elin Woods and husband Tiger Woods exit during Opening Ceremony of The Presidents Cup at Harding Park Golf Course on October 7, 2009 in San Francisco, California.  (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)
Harry How/Getty Images

At some point you have to start feeling sorry for Tiger Woods.

After all, he never asked that his private life be made public. He isn't some actor who was traipsing about in front of TMZ cameras trying to get some pub.

Plain and simple, he's just a guy who cheated on his wife (a lot) and would have preferred that fact to have been kept secret.

I disregard all of those who pretend that Tiger's "transgressions" in some way affect them, that they have been hurt, psychically or emotionally, by Tiger's private behavior, or that they were misled that his public image didn't jive with his private behavior.

Do those people really think that, given his private behavior, he would've been forthright about it publicly?

I can see the television commercial now: "Hi, I'm Tiger Woods, champion golfer, proud son, loving and devoted husband and father. But when I'm bedding fame-seeking floozies across the United States, I replenish my body's electrolytes with Gatorade."

No one older than 14 years old should put that level of faith in a professional athlete, regardless of how great of a guy you think he is.

If Tiger cheating on his wife hurts you that much, then that's a you issue, not a Tiger issue.

But there is one thing about Tiger's dalliances that is being overlooked, an aspect that sticks out like a sore thumb each time I read or hear about the man: Tiger Woods has no standards.

If you are one of the great philanderers in American history, and at this point Tiger Woods is at least in the conversation, one could, at the very minimum, uphold some sort of standard beneath which you would not go.

The level of, ahem, activity in Tiger's private life is only matched by the seemingly aimlessness of it: anytime, any place, and, Heaven forfend, anyone.

Now, I have some begrudging respect for anyone who can keep himself that busy, on and off the course, and according to reports, is as "proficient" as Tiger apparently was.

I, for one, am one of America's foremost procrastinators and beta males and could never muster the energy or concentration to live the life of a Tiger Woods.

But the one thing I do not respect is a man with no standards.

Worst yet, there is a standard by which Tiger's cubs can be judged: his wife.

Take a man like JFK, for instance. Was he in life and has he been in death, ever rumored to have been with a woman who was not in the ballpark with Jackie?

No. And why?

Standards, the man had standards.

The hotness of Elin (as of the writing of this piece) Woods would shine through a burqa.

Rachel Uchitel: Okay, she's no Elin but okay.

Jaimee Grubbs: Not liking the direction this is headed.

Jamie Jungers: Better, but still not Elin-quality.

Perkins' waitress: Dude, step ya game up.

I wish none of this were true.

At this point, I'm hoping there are no more revelations simply because I'm afraid of what it'll prove about Tiger's standards, or lack thereof.

I truly would've expected more out of him.

To date, there have been no prominent actresses or "actual" models (in this day and age, every moderately attractive 20-something year old girl has a portfolio of headshots and glamour photos).

But let us hope, hope that if this story continues something more will come out of it.

Hopefully, Jessica Biel or Eva Mendes will turn out to be one of his paramours. Or, at least, a Hayden Panettiere or a Fergie.

We hope, at least.

Tiger's behavior is, in fact, a disappointment, just not for the reasons everyone alleges.