Is Tiger Woods Going Elvis on Us?

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Is Tiger Woods Going Elvis on Us?
National Archives/Getty Images

The last three years I have spent a lot of time in the Middle East and Europe. One of the things I learned during these trips is just how big Tiger Woods is around the world.

When I hear sports commentators talk about David Beckham and Michael Jordan comparing them to Tiger I want to laugh. Go over to Turkey and Iraq and tell me anyone cares about Beckham. They don't, believe me. Dudes not even in the top ten in the Middle East. Triple H has more fans than Mr. Posh Spice.

But Tiger. Between his McDonald's ads all over the TV and his Gillette stand ups in every friggin' shopping center, I was starting to think the man was stalking me all over Iraq.

Tiger is everywhere.

I used to envy Tiger. He of the perfect golf game (no small feat to anyone who's ever tried to chase that small white ball around the links), the perfect wife, the perfect demeanor and of course the billion dollar profile.

I used to envy Tiger.

Now. Not so much.

As I watch the Tiger saga unfold, I have to say I'm a little worried about the man. Because he's obviously one unhappy guy.

It's not that I don't think the girls he's hooked up with are not good looking. They are, but let's face it. These girls he's hooking up with aren't Angelina Jolie for cryin' out loud.

Two of them are glorified restaurant hostesses and the other young woman is a reality contestant. A contestant on a VH1 show called Tool Academy.

I have seen Tool Academy. I worked in a building where they were editing the show. It's a bad show. The only things worse than the show. The losers who are cast on it.

What kind of losers are they? The kind of losers who get a voice mail from a well known former lover and turn around and sell it to the tabloids.

Then there's his home life.

Back in the early 90's there was a Robert Altman flick about Hollywood called the Player. One of the most knowing lines in the whole film was when the head of the studio tells an underling, "You know what they say about rumors? They're all true."

Well, if the rumors are true his wife attacked him with a golf club and scratched his face to the point that he doesn't want to go out in public.

That's what bothers me the most.

When a celebrity gets so out of the norm that they wall in and stay in their mansion it never works out well.

It's obvious he's not happy in his marriage. It's obvious there's something missing in his life that he's not finding at home.

Yet that is where has stayed for the last few days refusing to even attend his own event. Trapped in his Orlando Graceland, putting out messages on his web-site and sending his wife and lawyer to the door to turn aways the police.

That's not good. And I hope he figures out what he needs to do to turn it around.

No one deserves to be that unhappy. Even the perfect ones.

 

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