Fixing WWE Vol. 1: Gimmicks

Cam WilsonContributor INovember 30, 2009

Hey wrestling fans (I'd hope). With plenty time to spare I thought I'd contribute to B/R by writing my very first article, about anything.

WWE has been trying to do something recently, but they still are lacking in big areas, and I want more than TNA to entertain me (not knockin TNA, since I love it, but need something more from a company I grew up with).

Gimmicks are a large reason why people watch wrestling, and that fact is unavoidable.

I use Santino Marella as this article's photo because he's a good example of a gimmick (Italian stereotype) that stops my thumb from going to the fast forward button on my remote.

For years (90's through around 2002 and around my time to remember) we were given many great gimmicks, such as Undertaker's "Deadman" gimmick, the Rock's comic/trash talking gimmick, and Stone Cold's rebel redneck gimmick (lol).

We need more fresh gimmicks with like, more variation. Nowadays, everyone's trying to be that trash talking, conceited guy.

Jack Swagger - Amateur wrestling trash talker, with a lisp mind you

Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase - Oily Randy Orton clone trash talkers

Sheamus - Irish, looking like an unwritten essay, trash talker

The Miz - Awesome/Awful trash talker

Drew McIntyre - Scottish, dude who came out of nowhere trash talker

Eric Escobar - He can talk trash in Spanish =D

Zack Ryder - See-thru shirt wearing trash talker

Dolph Ziggler - Overconfident, looking like a skinny Curt Hennig, wannabe Mr. Perfect

Shelton Benjamin - Blonde black guy who doesn't talk trash anymore but will be again soon because the WWE never gives him a chance to be nothing more than a sap anyway.

(Whoa, now that I think of it the WWE's overrun by heels. Whew.)

Everyone I mentioned above needs to leave the trash-talking to the people with real, nice and fresh gimmicks. 

CM Punk - Say no to Drugs guy

Cryme Time - Stereotypical Thugs, has a trash-talking segment

Santino Maurella - He just reminds me of the Mario Bros. how he talks boy. Do all Italians say "It'sa me?"

Abraham Washington - Yes, I enjoy this guy's segments. His corny jokes are pretty much elevated by Tony Atlas's insane laughter (even Tony ****ing Atlas has a better gimmick than most of these smooks.)

I don't even know what a smook is but, the point is, give these guys some gimmicks WWE. It's getting pretty dull out there, and you have enough pyros and effects to make these gimmicks stand for something and not make em fade away. (Remember Mordecai? I think most of us do.)

Here's some ideas:

Sheamus - You wanna be a Celtic Warrior, fine, put some armor on him, get em a horse to ride to the ring (safety included). 

DiBiase and Rhodes - Turn them into two psychos behind the main psycho Orton, they'll do their tag team thing and interfere for Orton when needed. Rhodes can be some creepy-like guy who makes quick sudden movements with DiBiase as a psycho money craving machine. (Did I just make a Goldust reference there).

Drew McIntyre - Make him go against Sheamus doing his, Scottish thing (I really don't care what they do with this guy, but do something.)

Anyway, with some fresh, new gimmicks instead of the ones we've been used to for so long, those that are getting old, WWE may see some more faithful viewers, even me.