Most Disappointing US Open Ever

jeff tydemanAnalyst IJune 14, 2008

Golf is boring!

I can't believe I wasted three hours watching the US Open, especially when TBS was running Ocean's Eleven. They don't do that often--once a week at most :(

The whole format stinks. Anyone who golfs can participate in a series of qualifiers. Then if you happen to get lucky you might get in. Yawn. I prefer a more elitist system, as most Americans do. Who wants to see some no-name come from nowhere and achieve an impossible dream? NO ONE! The idea is as laughable as there being a hit movie about an unknown boxer getting a shot at the title. As if anyone would pay to see that!

I was rooting for a lot of guys who did poorly. This is the fault of tournament officials, my ex-boss, and my ex-wives. Rocco Mediate is a beloved figure who is remembered for, well, something. Westwood and Jiminez are bland figures from other countries--huh? Huh? Cool, right?

Hunter Mahan is a triple threat: carbon-based, bipedal, and fully abled. Cinderella story there!

And how about D.J. Trahan? Seems like it was just yesterday when he was Roseanne's son.

Golf is BORING!

Tonight I had to suffer through the unbearable Tiger Woods. When is he gonna get the hint--no one CARES Eldrick! Those capacity crowds whipped into a frenzy are an illusion dude! The money, the titles, the majors, the beauty queen wife and adorable daughter, the closing in on Jack Nicklaus for greatest golfer of all time? Jordan and Bonds and Gretzky rolled into one? Dullsville! Sort of pathetic, really. Give me Karlsson any time (Sidebar--Karlsson is Norwegian for "male offspring of Karl"...makes sense if you think about it...)

The whole Tiger thing is so cliche and tiresome. He goes out and beats the world's best week after week, year in and out, often in 'dramatic' fashion. There's a war on by the way. Let's get a grip. Cuz nothing says victory like self-denial.

I was practically nodding off when he sank a winding 28-footer for an 'eagle' as I believe it's called.

It gets worse. The so-called greatest golfer is hurt and limping and in obvious pain. BOR-ing!!! Imagine Superman weakened by kryptonite and still beating a pack of supervillians. That would be sheer ennui and most of the people I know wouldn't want any part of it.

Then as huge national prime-time audiences rocked by a sagging economy, an unending conflict in the Middle East, and a surge in the cost of basic necessities due to a fuel crisis, tune in to a figure inspiring on a national level like the Depression Days Seabiscuit and Babe Ruth, I'm supposed to invest emotionally? I don't think so.

Then he chips in a birdie when it looked like he'd lose a stroke. That's so simple as to be laughable. I'd chip in all the time if I wanted to flashy and ostentatious--not my style! I prefer nice safe triple-bogies. Best not to over-stimualte oneself.

And Woods left no treacle left in the cupboard. Mr Big Shot waits for thousands of screaming fans in a football atmosphere at 18 and then drains ANOTHER long snakelike eagle putt as women faint and grown men sob, their backs bucking at the thrill of it all. Pardon me while I hurl!

BORING! Right? I'm right here, right?

If they're really lucky I may watch a few holes tomorrow afternoon, but there's a weight-loss infomercial I have been meaning to check out. Fifty-fifty.