End The Divas Division

FoleyIsGodContributor INovember 25, 2009

I'm not saying I don't make the occasional spelling error here and there but GOD DAMN, if you're going to be hosting the Governor who also happens to be a hall of famer for your company, maybe run a spell check on the intro graphic.

I've actually been pretty down on WWE lately as it seems everything they do is fail.  They're not getting the audience reaction they want, the product seems stale and the momentum they seemed to have gained between February and June has all but dissipated into cliches, redundancies and audience confusion.

No more is this obviously apparent than in the Diva's division.  I've actually gotten into the habit of fast forwarding through any Diva's match on my DVR (which it sometimes seems the live audience at these events wishes they could do) and have felt much better because of it.  Much like a child that refuses to get a flu shot and then doesn't get sick, I've learned to avoid pain in search of greater pleasure.

It is with great remorse that I now admit I did watch the Diva's traditional Survivor Series match last Sunday as well as the Pilgrims versus Indians match this past Monday.  No bathroom breaks, no beer runs, no surfing the internet for dear God anything to take my mind off what is happening on the television - I went at these matches like a cleaver to a turkey neck.

I am in a great amount of pain this Tuesday night.  

I guess I don't understand the point of the Diva's division.  I mean, are they just there to give thirteen year olds boners?  Because if they are then they really have to do away with that "smart, sexy, powerful" bullshit.  Just call it what it is: "Implants, emaciated lingerie models and the prayer of a nipple slip."

As a fan of the Knockouts division in TNA this is just embarrassing.  In fact, I'm convinced the Diva's division has set back the women's movement by generations.  I just see little girls at home, faces pressed eagerly against the TV, hoping and praying that one day they too can compete in front of thousands of fans and fuck up a sunset flip or dress like a slutty Christmas elf.

It's almost impossible to watch a Knockouts match and then immediately watch a Diva's match and call them both the same thing - wrestling.  They are so fundamentally different that one has to go.  Here is what I propose.

1) Draft Beth Phoenix and Mickie James over to TNA where they will get some fucking respect.

2) If the WWE is so adamant about keeping the Divas, use them as the models they really are.  Instead of having DX hawk their book and calling it a "promo" stick it between some Divas, film them kissing and then get back to the show.

This simple solution will allow me to avoid sitting through the needlessly shameful plugging of merchandise I will never buy as well as the egregiously awful Diva's matches.

Actually now that I think about it if they actually did do that I might be the proud owner of whatever piece of merch was nestled between the two snuggling pairs of surgically superior specimens.

In closing, Pilgrims versus Indians?  Quotith the Miz: REALLY?  The only redeeming thing about that entire segment was hearing Tatanka's music.  It reminded me of a time when wrestling could be silly and ridiculous and I actually enjoyed it.  When Layla and Michelle McStyles left their partner in the ring and just walked out hands raised above in disgust I felt like doing the same thing.