Barnavicious XCorrespondent INovember 21, 2009

Being from East Korea by way of Greenland, it is no secret I have a fondness for large cats...especially those with gold teeth. So likewise the Cincinnati Bengals hold a special place in my shriveled black heart. However, with the smell of kitty litter lingering, we must press on, unsheathe our weapons, strap on the eye patches and pound The best part about playing the Bengals is that we can call them Pussies and get away with it. 

Chad Ochocinco; or as the French know him, Chad Huitcinq, is well know for his media antics. This week he went on record in support of JaMarcus Russell and praised the Oakland Raider team. Well Mr. Huitcinq you're not fooling me; even the Canadian Navy knows the sea is calmest before the storm. You can bet El Gato has something special planned for the black hole in what he expects to be an easy game... Pero what? The Raiders can win this game?

As usual I'll begin with the questions most intrigante.

 Nnamdi Vs. Sparkles the Cat

My moneys on Vienteuno. My guess is they move Chad around as much as possible looking for the right match up. As usual Nnamdi will do just fine but we haven't heard the name Routt much lately...let's hope it stays that way. 

 Will the Bungles make a appearance?

First clue...they signed yet another deadbeat troublemaker this week. It's guy like this that have doomed the franchise for most of the last decade. In that case welcome to the Bengals L.J.

 Any big predictions for the game?

Yes. DHB gets his first touchdown, promptly turns to the camera an mouths..."Suck it Crabtree." You heard it here first. 

 Bengals run game looks tough... Raider run D is ranked 29th

It's time for our Polish superstar to shine. No, the other polish superstar, yes the bald one, no not that bald one..yes Polish not polish. Our defense has played a season of football in just ten weeks. Lets do a little math. Our opponents have rushed 317 time against us, averaging 4.4 yards per carry...that 155.6 per game on average. 317 is about 117 times more than it should be. 117 at 4.4 yards per carry is 514 yards. So 1400 yards for the season less the 514 from the extra carries blah blah blah carry the two... puts us at 98.44, good enough for number 7.

If this made no sense to you, here's the easy version. Gradkowski needs to keep the offense on the field. If he does our defense is top ten.

 Is Gradkowski the answer to our little Raider prayers?

Probably not but I'm still excited. I hear once you go Polish it's's...well it's probably not that good but will certainly do if you're desperate. Well Bruce, my beer goggles are ready. 

 Do you have any good nicknames for Bruce yet?

Yes. Since he's of Polish background I went with something traditional. Steve.

 Do you think de-clawing should be illegal?

Yes, how would you like it if I cut the tips of your fingers off you bastards.


 I've got a dirty little feeling about this game. Steve might be exactly what this team needs...a mediocre QB  to not screw things up and rely on the running game and defense to win it. 

"I usually like to end with a famous quote."

-Barnavicious 2009


Colt Brennan Twenty Ten

Meow I'd like to give credit to Broken Lizard.